On the Cusp

 We are 100 days into James' first full year of in-classroom high school. He's a junior. Let that sink in.

Life has been out of the ordinary for so long that it comes as a shock to come up for air and realize that I am behind getting legally and strategically prepared for getting James ready for his adult phase. I am working on that. 

Everything I have read and heard indicate in a very few years, this is when he drops off a cliff for services, etc. 

So much to do. Still a little time to get it done.

Wish me luck.

This Video Pretty Much Says It All ..

If you've been on social media, you may have seen this video making the rounds:


What you may not see is the extended post from The Mighty's website. And yes,

Because of my kids, I've learned the little things in life are often the sweetest. I would not have experienced that so exquisitely without them.

When Worlds Are Cross-Compatible

I know time is passing: I have kids and a garden. I know technology constantly evolves - I work with it. Sometimes, I am also not paying attention, so I get surprised when sometimes the way I used to do things ... gets replaced by an app.

Our old fax machine stopped working soon after I stopped my telecommuting work almost eight years ago and we never thought to replace it. I was not working so could make copies and take or mail them to where they needed to go.

More places increasingly accept photos that were taken with and emailed from a cell phone. HIPAA means that more records are being shared securely in PDF format.

Over the past year we've had to fax a lot of documents suddenly: applications for financial programs, job hunting, medical records, and school programs. Even though faxes are still needed, it's getting harder to find places to send them.

To keep cash outflow down, I haven't updated my phone since 2011 (which is almost as bad as a flip open phone in the tech industry). My Kindle takes nice pictures, but not PDF-worthy ones. The Kindle does have an app for translating photos into scanned documents, which then upload to the Cloud. Finally, I get Cloud Computing. Tonight I take Tiny Scanner out on the Cloud for a drive.

I really want to Evolution Elves to take away my home office clutter:

A Little Sniffling, A Lot of Shuffling

After an amazingly good stretch of health, James is down with a cold. Not too bad, but we can't run on a full schedule.

The last SF appointment has been rescheduled and there will be no social speech skills  after school program today. His behavioural observation had to be cancelled because he stayed home one day this week.

We are continuing the nutritionist appointment though, because he's still not out of the woods yet with this whole food in/food out thing. He is eating more of his formerly normal foods and we had two successes in the home bathroom so far this week.

James is also talking more and asking us questions. True, a lot center around when a desired DVD will arrive in the mail, as well as checking to make sure we know everything about said DVD, but sometimes now he will ask us "why?" because he really wants more information about things we are discussing.

All slow, good progress, despite what it does to our calendars.

End Run Around Behaviours

Yesterday I had a conversation with James' adaptive PE teacher. He's been resisting classes and this week he went beyond resistant into very bad behaviour territory. Three Letters of Apology have been written. Talks at Home have been had. No iPad. He's really hated that last one. I even tried asking James why he'd done what he did. His answer "I don't like it."

James is weak from having lost so much weight since August. He also knows how to use distracting behaviours to get out of disliked activities. Gah.

At times like this, it seems more effective to do an end run around the situation, once Consequences are over with. Because let's face it - having once been so effective at getting out of what he didn't want to do, he's likely to try it again. If he does, Consequences (losing iPad privileges, Talks at Home, Letters of Apology). However, I think we would all rather be doing something more positive, and there's more than one way to get something done.

So we are going to try adding music and some dance into his adaptive PE. He is always doing these activities at home and seems to enjoy them. Then slowly he can be doing more work toward his IEP goal of being able to do jump rope. Hopefully it will help James see that his sessions can be fun too, and he will stop trying to fight them.

We are so lucky to have such a great partner with James Adaptive PE teacher. She truly loves what she's doing and cares about the kids. Here's hoping this strategy works.

Choices and Changes

No posts last week. I've had a lot to process. Financial pressures have kept me applying for jobs outside the home. Last week, another interview. Followed by despair over the doubtful prospect of finding money rabbits to pull out of a threadbare hat. Kids fighting. Smoldering atmosphere in general.

Now, on personal and home-front levels, big changes are suddenly due to arrive this coming week.

Because late Friday afternoon: an email. A job offer from the interview.

The good: Wage is the minimum I can consider for a 9-5 office job and get adequate daycare coverage for kids. It's close to home. I could still take the kids to school in the mornings (which is huge, considering how the morning routines sets the tone for both kids for the whole day). It seems like a good company, with people I could see as good coworkers. The job is a new one for me, but it's still in my chosen and preferred area of work. There is job growth potential. I am hopeful for benefits we can use.

The worrying: I haven't worked a 9-5 office job in over 10 years. Routines? Huh. We'll have to make up some new ones, I guess. For the first time, I won't be Right There to work with James' teams. After last year's start, this gives me the shakes. I worry that I won't be able to remain as calm and patient as I have in the past. I worry about losing touch with my soon-to-be-teen daughter. Can you tell I worry a lot? Here's the big one: I haven't done this before and I am afraid of what some of the changes do to me, to us as a family.

I have worked for several years, balancing working for an employer with raising a family. Dear Lord, how I worked. Some years it felt like I was "on" 24/7, but I needed the flexibility whose flip side was writing reports, emails, and memos until 2am because for most of the day I attended phone conferences, made some web updates, and then tended to sick kids, cleaned, did errands, homework patrol, and had countless meetings for IEPs, teacher conferences, and paperwork appointments for James' services or my daughter's school situations. I combined vacations and family visits with Client appointments in a region 8 hours from us.

Then James hit the school system and my employer's flexibility diminished remarkably. Time to choose.

I resigned and focused on James and family. I was lucky enough to continue my work as a consultant. Then the recession hit all the non-profits I worked with, and money got even scarcer. I started looking for work about a year ago. Then James' school year started off bad and got progressively worse. My husband became ill, unable to work. We had to give up a car. We actually qualified for food stamps.

Time for change.

I know James' classroom and team support improved drastically. I am glad that my husband's health has improved so he can work, and that he's found some much closer to home. I am happy that James' sister is in a stable school environment for the next 2 years. I am grateful for the local support network that I've grown over the past year or so. Yes, the changes make me very nervous, but they are part of life. My friend posted this graphic on her FaceBook feed. How appropriate:

All I can do is try. But I am going to try really hard!

Runaround Rodeo: Full Speed, Full Stop

Up at 5AM after hearing daughter moaning. Stomach flu. Gah. This simple fact triggers the following cascade of events:

• Call to her school to report her sick
• Call to job to report I need to stay home (see above)
• Quarantine daughter ASAP and wipe down things she might have toughed yesterday, when she was the picture of health
• Prep to make morning drop as quick as possible, being ready for a dismaying array of possible actions/consequences
• Turn classical music on louder than usual, to drown out the sounds of pain -- it triggers extreme anxiety in her brother, which sets him up for a bad day at school
• Make 4 stops in 30 minutes to accomplish direst of errands for the day; demolish planned list of activities and reassess for new, confined status
• Take deep breaths and try to not yell; she did not plan or want to get sick
• Try to not keep thinking "My day is ruined and once again I cannot do what I want/need. Brilliant. Not."
• Notify respite care and CATS Student of current situation and let them pick whether or not to come over this afternoon; I need a break, but don't want to recklessly spread the bug
• Swear under my breath, flashing back to That Scene in The King's Speech

My plan for the day is to break things down even further, into 10-15-minute chunks. Periodically check on daughter. Keep that music on. Go out back and take a break for me at least twice before my son gets home. Breathe.

PS: I finally got to sleep at 1 this morning. Yeah -- ow.

IEP Check-In

We are two-thirds through the school year. Yikes! James seemed to be doing well and I'd been in contact with his teacher, aide, and services coordinator. Occasionally I'd catch the O/T and APE folks and touch base. This year, however, I'd not been in touch with James' Speech therapist. After almost 2 months of saying I should schedule a meeting, I had the meeting.

First, I had to contact the services coordinator. This is easy to do, if I can keep my mind on-topic long enough to create and send an email. Pardon me while laugh at that. Ahem. Okay, that took several weeks. Then there was the back and forth as to day and time. Then James' teacher asked to attend, which is super, as far as I'm concerned. Then we had to get through testing ... so here we are -- conference week.

Wow. We had good meetings. Over two hours worth. Speech went first. She had some interesting things to say. First, she told me she'd mixed up James' sessions. He has both therapists to himself on one day, and later in the week he attends a session with his classmates (there are a lot of kids in his class who go to Speech). This sounds like a great idea to me. I asked that James work more on pronouns -- right now he always gets them wrong at home. I can't tell if it's on purpose or not. Overall, James is doing well, and progressing nicely toward his goals.

Then for the next half-hour I spoke with his teacher about his testing. He's *so* close in reading and writing to passing at grade level! Even in math, I think with a little extra work he'll improve for the testing. His teacher has some great tools she'd using not only for James, but also for other kids in her class. She is totally committed to helping all her kids grow and learn, James included. I so appreciate that.

For the last hour, I talked about current issues with his services coordinator. James has started to have some behavioural issues. Mostly regarding computer and iPad use. He has furious melt-downs when it's time to stop. This is a recent development -- he's been doing well with stopping the previous 2 months. Sigh. He's also testing his aide and I am starting to have palpitations about next year at a different campus and teachers I have not met. We also talked about changing up James' morning routine again and giving him some time and experience on the playground before school.

To summarize -- It was necessary to have the meeting and it happened at a good time. James is making progress and it's time to start thinking and planning for the next year, campus, and goals. And I feel better, being more connected to what James' school day is like.

Flipped-up Friday

James' Dad is calling in sick and there went my plans for the day - flip!

I'm actually glad he's taking time to rest before he suffers a health setback. However, now I need to rethink the day. I've got to make sure a few things get done, think about the new best order for getting chores and errands accomplished. I also need to factor in the noise. My husband needs more quiet than is possible with the kids at home.

Now I consider my options. For getting the kids out of the house, we can use the gym, library, and the grocery store. If the weather is nice, I can run some errands near a park, where they can run around some more. Maybe I'll get their bikes in the van and let them ride for a bit.

Luckily (I guess), we've not been able to get play dates to gel over this holiday, so I don't have a third party to contact and rearrange. For myself, I'll make sure the camera is charged and try to take some photos that interest me. I'll bring along a book to read at the gym while I work out. I'll work with my daughter to plan a dinner that we can enjoy as a family. I'll tickle James and work on some flash cards with him. I'll get time to talk with my husband. I'll take deep breaths, as I flex again to go with the flow.

Changings Seasons and Routines

Happy Fall Equinox! Even though I come to dread the cold, wet, dark days of Winter, Fall has become my favourite time of year. The smell of crisp change in the air, the brilliant leaf colours and last flare from flower beds, the sounds of leaves being crunched with glee all life my spirits. The grapes are being harvested in the vineyards, the Farmers' Markets are flourishing, and the kids are starting to buzz with excitement of Halloween, Christmas, and both their birthdays on the horizon.

  

This morning also saw another change in our morning routine for school. This is the first year I've personally had to deliver both kids to their respective schools in the morning, and I am struggling to find success. First I started with dropping off Big Sister -- Third Grade, after all, is important stuff!  But that left me struggling to get James to school on time. It also left me going in circles, because most of my errands are down near Big Sister's school, not James', which is near our house.

So I talked with James' Services Coordinator at school (because I can't just leave James alone on the playground - he'd wander off), and arranged to have his aide waiting for him 10 minutes before school on the playground so I could flip the dropoffs. On the days that we made a timely connection with James' aide and made all the stoplights, Big Sister could just be on time for school, if she scooted across the campus quickly enough. But guess what? That didn't always happen.

Then this week, they started tree-trimming on the road between their schools and closing lanes of traffic, making cars wait. Guess what? I got called by Big Sister's teacher. This isn't working he said, in the nicest way possible. Could we try switching the dropoffs again?

Sigh. Yes. Luckily, Big Sis loves her new teacher, class, and finally, her "new" school. I told her that she needed to get ready 20 minutes earlier to do this and get James to school on time. And kudos to her, she did it. James is actually easy to get ready for school. He changes clothes in 2 minutes flat and brushing his hair takes about as long (he hates it, but it's short). He actually will scoot out the door earlier in the morning if it means he gets a longer ride in the car and can wave to Big Sis at her school.

Big Sis wins because she's early, and can take her time and talk with the kids at her school. James wins because he'd rather be dropped off last. His aide and teacher win because there's more time for them to prepare in the morning and touch base with me about how James is doing. I get to do more driving, is the only downer. But that's okay, because I can change too.

Two Steps Back

Hello, constipation, our old nemesis! I got a call on Friday afternoon, with less than an hour to go until the end of school. James was crying and asking to use the bathroom a lot, with more crying as the only product. He was done for the day.

I picked him up, after sighing mightily on the way over; 45 minutes doesn't sound like much of a difference in a day, until it's suddenly gone from my "Me" time, before a 3-day weekend, when I'll have most of the kid duty.

Once home, I asked James about how he was feeling, his tummy in particular. He kept saying "I fine," yet emitted little wails about 20 minutes apart. No fever. Refused food. Mmmm, hmmmm. All stopped up, in more ways than one.

No going out that night, we had to cancel our plans for a Date Night. I felt guilty for getting him off his schedule on Thursday by going to the gym's daycare later than usual. James will use the bathrooms there, but only if he *must,* so it's pretty safe to say that was less than helpful for his digestive process. We were late for the gym because his sister's homework had piled up, in part because no assignments were done on Monday, James' birthday, and it took a while to get all the work finished.

About an hour into our impromptu night home, James become unstopped. I was told they were record-worthy in mass. He relaxed and became his normal, cheery self, which is a relief. However, we've reverted to pull ups at night again. We've had to step up wiping tutorials.

One little thing. Or maybe nothing in particular. And we're set back and our lives get put on hold for a bit. I know in the scope of what's out there that this is small. It doesn't feel like that, right when it happens.

Derailment and Change-ups

I'm just getting back from a good 3-week fight against a sinus cold. It's sapped my strength and threatened to turn into an ugly sinus infection. Exercise meant trudging to the bathroom and blowing my nose. Victory was getting kids to/from school on time, with lunches & completed homework. We won. Barely. Go, us!

In the midst of this haze, puffiness, coughing, and exhaustion, North Bay Regional's past referral sent us a good fairy from California Parenting Institute (or, CPI, as it's commonly know around here) to help.

Oh, how we needed her. We just didn't know it.

First, there was the relief in talking to another adult. One who's mission is to help parents become better parents, regardless of the background story. Second, it was extremely helpful to have someone ask focusing questions about concerns and goals. Third, hope was renewed in defining said goals and realizing that I could indeed make some basic, small changes and renew commitment to make our time less ... well, dragging. Focus. Focus is a good thing.

Together we came up with some simple play activities with which to engage James. Because he cannot focus on anything on his own except TV, computer PBS kids games, or (occasionally) a book. This has been making feel as though I was losing my mind, because I can't DO anything else when he is home. Also, I know that plugging him into electronic media is a bad idea, because he does not transition well away from it.

What ideas did we come up with? Well, simple ones, like:

2

coin sorting ...

helping him play with his trains ....

and working on colouring projects, which also help as a connection activity with Dad

what I love, is me recommitment to taking the kids with me to the gym, so I can get in some exercise, steam room, and TLC while they get to play and do crafts with other kids. The kids also like the possibility of getting some frozen yogurt at the cafe.

What makes me even more grateful for this change-up in our daily routine is that I fell off the wagon and went back to our old ways one day and discovered what a hideous contrast it make for me, when compared to the new changes. I am sold, happier, and more hopeful. Also, so thankful that this service and these people are here and available to help. Even though I think of myself as lucky, caring, and smart, I certainly need this help!

Preschool Teardown

Today I had my last regular progress meeting with James' preschool speech and language teacher. We covered his IEP goals and progress to date, as well as discussed how far he's come and what our plans were for the summer. I got weepy.

Especially after that, when I stopped by to say hello to his teacher at her classroom on her prep day. She was dismantling the classroom. How symbolic. Yes, there is one more week of school and yes, he will be doing a month of summer school. Not to sound too angst-y, but things will never be the same after this.

We are all moving on, moving up. I know this is a good thing. We've so worked and prayed and celebrated James making progress, and we want it to continue. But this was the start of James at school, and we've been with this program and these teachers for two and a half years.

I look back at pictures of James from soon after he started preschool to recent snaps. Such big differences, and he is ready for more. Here I am, coming to grips with the fact that things will be changing and gearing up to get up to speed with a new program and work with new teams.
James in 2008

James in 2010

Praying for Guidance

Although it's been many years since I was a regular church goer, I pray almost every day. For families, friends, everyone in the same crazy boat as I. Sometimes I pray for patience, inspiration, or to be a better person.

As a parent I pray that I will know enough about what I am doing to raise my children as happy and well adjusted as possible. I know that being a parent is wonderful, frustrating, rewarding, and makes the soul grow ... like a LOT.

As James' mom, I pray for guidance. Am I paying attention to the right things? Am I on the right track? Making the best choices for him? What do I do *now* when confronted with (insert random/favourite issue)? Does it really help if I shout at him? Will he hear me if I don't? How do I best advocate for getting him what he needs? Am I *really* prepped for his IEP?

I ask experts and read material; I sometimes ask James. I find that sometimes praying for guidance and opening myself up for suggestion and ideas can help us find some good suggestions. I hope they are answers. It will be years (or never) while we wait to see.

Right now I am in the throes of kindergarten choices for James. Schools, classrooms, and class types. If he gets into one school that we think will be great for him, I have a whole new routine to learn and he will be in an unfamiliar place on his own for the first time ever. If he goes to the main school I need to find and target a short list of teachers who do well by full inclusion students and James in particular. Because we have chosen to have James in a full inclusion classroom with a full-time aide.

Oh yes, a lot of praying for guidance going on around here right now!

Taking CHARGE

Talking to the person from the UCD MIND Institute has got me thinking again about our participation in the CHARGE Study. When James was formally diagnosed in 2007, our case worker from the Regional Center mentioned the study and suggested that we call to see about participating in the program.


Back then, we had no idea what we were heading into (and a good thing too, or I'd have been tempted to wave a white flag and lie down for 10 years). We were concerned, upset, and wanted *answers.* Now, damnit! What do you mean, "we don't know?" Why not?

I called, got us started, worried about how I was going to coordinate these visits to UC Davis (3 hours, round trip) with my transitioning back to work from Family Medical Leave (FML). My hiring and working supervisor had left the company, the department head was pulling everyone back to their cubicles (I'd been largely telecommuting and meeting with clients down south), and ... well, wanted to see a different ROI, IMO.

Our team was losing people. It was not pretty and I heard a lot of sad stories while I was out on leave. My stomach was in perpetual knots and I felt like there was a large target on the back of my head.

It basically came down to this: my career, or my kids. It was tough for me (for a whole bunch of personal reasons), but I chose my kids. I loved what I had been doing. LOVED it. I'd worked darned hard to get where I was. It had been a personal battle against depression and other things to find something I really felt good about doing on the job and doing it. Very well too, if I say so myself.

But ... I did do it. I had my hurrahs and laurels and victory laps around the field. Now our kids needed me. Our family needed a stay-at-home parent. My husband and I talked it over. Oh I cried; we let go of some things. My husband signed himself up for a brute of a horribly long commute (1.25 hours each way if it's good & over 3 hours each way if it's bad); luckily, he also has a wonderful job, supervisor, department, and coworkers.

Then we went out to do the CHARGE Study. The weather was foul the months we had to make our trips. It messed up James' naps. I felt like crying some more when I saw my beautiful, sunny boy unable to follow and do some of the simplest tasks that my daughter could have done at a much younger age. James had his first blood draw. I think I still have some hearing loss from that session, as I held him in my lap when they did it.

But it did something else. It made me feel less helpless. I got to get out and talk with other people. People who had seen and worked with children with autism. I started feeling less alone. When I started feeling scared about what was going to happen, I could balance the not knowing with the assurance that at least we were trying things. We were helping put the target on autism, not the kids who are on the spectrum.

I had been feeling really guilty about being an older parent and possibly having done something wrong during my pregnancy with James. Looking around my while participating in the CHARGE Study made me feel a little better. There were younger (some much younger) moms in the same boat as I. We had a lot of company.

It now looks as though the study is recommending more autism research in the environmental arena. This is significant. What are we doing to our kids? Let's find out and STOP it!

Some random other lines of thought: I have heard some people who want a cure for autism. All I can truly speak from is my experience and own limited knowledge, and they lead me to think that the best cure is to stop it from happening before it begins. I truly believe that looking at where we live, things we wear, and what we eat is our best bet to finding answers and preventing many children from being born autistic.


We don't just grow in a vacuum, everything affects us. I think our heady discoveries in the last century or so have led us to be short-sighted and go oooh and ahhhh over things like plastics, electronics, and man-made food additives that prolong shelf-life and betters a company's bottom line. It's time to pull focus and see what these things are doing to us, in addition to what they can do for us (and business).

I have read other parents swear by changes in diet bringing about radical improvements in their child's abilities/personalities. I totally believe this happens. I also see that every child is different, and this is as true for the children on the spectrum as it is for those not on it. There is no "one size/answer fits all."

There is a meme going around on FaceBook that really strikes a chord: "My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that children with disabilities do not have a disease; children with disabilities are not looking for a cure but ACCEPTANCE!" I agree with this 100% because I see this in my son every day.



So my thought for the day is take CHARGE! Look up the website. Google some information. Cry in your coffee (or beverage of choice). Then get out and fight! For our kids. For their future.

Fall Change

Fall is in the air and the kids have been back in school for a few weeks now. When did going back to school get so crazy, BTW? So many forms to fill out, things to buy, and schedules to scramble, organize, and rearrange.

It probably does not help that James is attending two different preschools this year, in addition to his regular paperwork and program intricacies.

Between the school bus, whose schedule has varied wildly, and adjusting to the new afternoon program 3 days a week, and dealing with sudden fierce blasts of 100*+ heat, I've been on my toes to cover all the bases and keep the troops running. I am also back at school and doing some contract work, so life is very interesting indeed.

So when I arrived with James at his new preschool this morning and found a new SHAPE assistant there to greet us, totally out-of-the-blue, I was kerflumoxed. Deeply.

Luckily, James was not. I am hoping he stays happy and able to roll with the punches. Heaven knows I find them frustrating!

Try It Tuesday: Special Olympics, Special Lady, Special Kids

I don't know much about Eunice Kennedy Shriver, but I had the pleasure of volunteering for the Special Olympics in HS (early 1980s) and in reading about her in the papers today I am impressed with her work to teach, encourage, and challenge special needs kids.

Then these paragraphs caught my eye:

The next generation of the Kennedys often cited Eunice as the family member they looked up to most.

...

Yet Shriver, the mother of four sons and a daughter, thoroughly believed "in motherhood as the nourishment of life," once writing that "it is the most wonderful, satisfying thing we can do."

...

"If I [had] never met Rosemary, never known anything about handicapped children, how would I have ever found out? Because nobody accepted them anyplace." (Eunice Shriver)

...

In 1961, Eunice Shriver turned Timberlawn, the family farm in Maryland, into a free day camp for mentally disabled children. She would get down in the dirt with campers, play in the sandbox, pitch softballs or teach them to swim. Shriver had them riding horseback and shooting bows and arrows.

"Nobody else's mother was doing anything like that," Maria Shriver said in the 1994 book "The Kennedy Women," by Laurence Leamer. "It was always my mother following her own gut going against the grain."

(source: LA Times)


Talk about the epitome of Tackle It/Try It Tuesday! I salute Mrs. Shriver, and moms and caregivers everywhere who follow what they know and feel to make the lives of our special kids happier and better.

My own personal quest this summer? Keeping James challenged with more mainstream activities. He has become potty trained during the day over the past school year and can communicate with others verbally (which is most excellent in itself). Getting him more swim time. He had a month of summer school in June, then speech therapy weekly, 2 sessions of a morning summer camp, and Music Together. He watched his sister have her head under the water breakthrough and enjoys swim sessions at the pool. We go at least once a week. He has made jumps forward. And grown another inch or so, I swear!

Another salute to Trish, who is taking time to regroup with her family. Thank you for all the information and insights, and best wishes.




Feeling Inspired? Or want to be? Visit Try It Tuesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

Time Off

We had plans for this weekend. They were different from what actually happened. Another of life's affirmations.

I was planning to join the Walk for Autism event, before going out on an overnight date with my husband. That was before James' allergies started getting worse and my daughter's infected toe. Before I knew it, it was 2pm on Saturday afternoon and I was frantically trying to get the last 3 loads of laundry done. Of course this was one of two afternoons this year that James did not want to take a nap.

We managed to get things ready (enough), complete with two had-written pages of our routine, meds and their schedules, and a note authorizing my mom to get medical assistance for the kids, should it be needed. My husband and I were off for an afternoon, dinner, overnight, and brunch sans children for the first time in almost six years. It was amazing.

My mother said that when she was putting him to bed that night, James was softly chanting "Mama, Mama, Mama." I didn't know whether to smile or cry, so I did a little of both. James hardly says "Mama," but I hated the thought of him being sad, even though I know he was being well loved and taken care of.

So yesterday and today he has been running up to me/into me and pressing against me, going "mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!" I give him lots of smiles and hugs and tell him how much I love him. Yesterday he started saying his sister's name, then "Dada" and "James" --- yay!!!! The first time I have heard him do that!

One his favourite people came by this afternoon -- she likes to keep track of his progress. She says she is seeing a lot of James finding himself and gave an encouraging take on the increase in screaming, hitting, and throwing. He is testing limits and being 3, his age. He is also trying to come to terms with all the new things he is noticing and trying to do. She suggested gummies or nice crunchy things for his teeth grinding and is encouraged with how much he interacts with people and in his class. James kept giving her hugs and finally collapsed happily in her lap, after taking her pen and playing games with it/her.

A little perspective can be a wonderful thing! But I still feel bad for mising the Walkathon.