Community Rules - Practical Applications

 In the same ABA session that explained and defined House Rules, James' Team also covered Community Rules, or CRs. The CRs are to address safety issues, such as not walking into the street, keeping his seat belt buckled when riding in a car, and using Friendly Language.

Yesterday James and I used these CRs on the drive to get hair cuts, the hair cut appointments, and the drive back down home. They were in use again when we drove to our in-person ABA Social Group and home again. It wasn't a complete reversal of the negative behaviours and scripting that we've been struggling with recently, but it did make things much smoother and calmer.

As James heads to adulthood, it's more important than ever that I do what I can to help set him up for success, which I see as living as independent a life as possible, enjoying the activities he likes with a productive routine and a good support group.

I am so grateful there is a young adult peer group that he can join. In general I feel this is crucial for teens, people on the spectrum even more, and James in particular, as he is a social and curious guy. In the past, I have seen great benefits to James from social modeling that comes from in inclusion. I think being able to participate in regular summer day camps, swim lessons, and classrooms really helped him understand and and develop not only language, but turn taking, chore performance, and the ability to play with others. I feel all this has enriched his life.

Even though he is almost an adult, he is still testing the limits, and these rules are a good transition between unspoken rules in younger/smaller settings to more adult classrooms and work environments, where rules have to be spelled out and adults are expected to follow them. 

Autism Speaks has a nice page that discusses Social Skills and Autism in easy-to-understand detail and also provides resources. 

Espresso So We Can Forte

It's Friday! Made it through another week. Luckily there was strong coffee in my actual Peet's mug, as James did not want to get out of bed. He was snuggly rolled up like a burrito in a blanket on his freshly laundered bedding, loving the heck out of his bed. It would have made a great commercial. School and work wait for no one, however.

I gave James 10 minutes to rise and shine on his own (he has started to do this, so I keep trying to encourage it). All the while I am sipping down java, getting out his breakfast, and revving my parental mode. Thank goodness for our morning routine. We both know what's coming - James is the teen fulcrum, waiting for me to lever him into starting his day and getting out the door on time.

The saving grace in all this is the flexible work schedule that allows me to relax enough to match James' playful mood - thank goodness he is rarely cranky or surly in the morning. He knows once I arrive in his room with the morning hygiene kit that getting out of bed is now inevitable. He good-naturedly picks a new shirt for school and puts it on as we start the routine.

Breakfast is consumed, with a few testing skirmishes on his Kindle. We assemble his lunch and I make sure his reading log gets into his backpack so he gets points for this work. The van pickup arrives earlier than it has all week, coinciding nicely with the garbage truck roaring around our block on it's pickup run.

Without any prompting, James takes his meds. I acknowledge this with a "Great job - I really appreciate your hustle this morning" and bundled him into the van with him still in a playful mood. Inside, both my fists are in the air and I am silently shouting "Yes! YES!!!!"

Because yesterday, it was me chasing him around the house, bad word scripting galore, over the course of 5 minutes before he grudgingly took his meds. Looking forward to the weekend!

Return to Normal Errand Runs

For the first time in years (4+), James and I ran errands together on a Saturday morning. 

We started out day with breakfast and then did our self care routines. James helped me bag up and load water bottles for recycling. He earned enough money from this to buy a huge croissant from the French Bakery at the Farmer's Market nearest us (we are lucky - there are at least 4 markets to choose from over the weekend). 

He then came into Trader Joe's with me, greeting one of his long-term friends among the crew members and shocking him with his over 6 inches in growth since their last meeting. He helped gather groceries and then returned the cart after I'd loaded them into the van.

I deposited some checks and we picked up a Little Caesar's pizza on our long way home, through the gorgeous, sunny, West County Spring landscapes. While there was some negative scripting up until the trp to pick up pizza, the rest of the drive was peaceful. 

At home, James helped bring in the groceries. He then took out the recycling on his way to check the mail. He came right back too, without prompting.

I have missed this!

Spring Cleaning, Chores, & Life Skills

Sometimes it's hard to get James and I moving on Saturday. On top of weekend inertia, several years worth of a full work week and single parenting my guy means I am exhausted by the time I hit Friday afternoon. Mornings with no demanding schedule are so peaceful and seductive. Sometimes I rouse my reading or leisure activity to realize it's already noon. 

This past weekend, with help from my SIL and friends, I was able to kick it up a notch or two. With their help, I was able to cheer my teen through showering and hair washing (hair washing!!!) before we hit the front yard and started to remove the jungle of weeds from the front, in preparation to installing a fence.

In between, a dangling ceiling light was fixed and discussions were had about dental treatments and the importance of taking care of yourself. James' Saturday reward was a milkshake and a drive through Deer Hill South (saw 4 deer, grazing on an abandoned front yard).

Today we tackle his room, removing food and dishes (teens!), trash, and fixing his bed. A bag of trash will be removed. It's also shower day again. Today's reward will be a drive through the Spring countryside. 

In between I will motivate myself through dishes, laundry, floor sweeping, sorting old clothes for donation, and more yard work. 

There may be a trip to the Farmers' Market (first day of 2022!) or a plant nursery, for chores completed later this week.

 

Fri. Yay. Go!

 It's taken six months to fine tune, but James and I now have a morning routine that supports him and his hygiene goals. Also our collective sanity.

After several trials, I found this is our winning schedule:

• 7:00 - First wake-up check
• 7:10 - Second wake-up, with lights (if needed) and hygiene kit and clean clothes
• Check, clean and trim all digits
• Fresh clothes
• Wipes
• Pleasant, calm conversation
• 7:25 - Out in the breakfast area, eating set out meal
• Can check phone for text messages
• Take meds
• Put on shoes and jacket
• I prep his bag lunch and we prep his backpack with mask, water, & homework as needed
• 7:50 - Ready for school van pickup

Needless to say, it rarely goes like clockwork. That's not the goal. The goal is a routine to chart our morning course for a good start to the day. There is Wiggle Room built in, because: life, teens, autism.

When the morning routine hits all its beats on time (like this morning) I feel like bursting out into song.

Food Shopping Evolution

Well, the day has finally arrived: James is eating more food as he prepares to hit his main growth years. At age 12 (almost 13) he is reaching 5'6". He is still a picky eater, and his overall well being suffers when he does not eat.

Luckily, Costco has an answer for that: cheese pizzas that he asks for (4/$10 ... yay finally having an oven that works! So long, Little Caesar's!) and yogurt. I have bookend foods (dinner and breakfast) that fit in my budget!

Then there's Costco itself. I have James come with me. We get in walking time - yay, exercise. He also helps carry out to the car and returns the cart, if we take one. Of course he meets people he knows ("James! Hi!" from one of his yard duty buddies, while we wait in line).

I am starting to look at the clothes. James is now wearing mens' size 10.5 shoes and small in clothing. Pants are tricky, as he has the length, but is still in kid mode for bone size -- I can still get away with kids XL sizes there sometimes.

We have already determined that the underwear is a no-go (No briefs. What the heck is this new style in mens' underpants?). He does not like the socks or shoes. But jackets, shorts and pants? Those are distinct possibilities. And a bathrobe.

This Costco addition to our weekly shopping comes at a good time, in a way. The Trader Joe's nearest us (yes, our beloved Trader Joe's, where the Crew Members all know James and miss him if I shop without him) took a hit in the Tubbs Fire last month. The building still stands but the business next to it was completely destroyed and a lot of smoke and water damage resulted in the surrounding area. It's closed for probably the next year.

This means that we now have to shop 10-15 minutes further south, at the next Trader Joe's. This one is in a big retail complex that includes a Costco and Costco gas station. If we time our runs strategically, we can hit all 3 without too much craziness at checkout or the parking lot. James grumbles about having to go with me, because he has developed this weird phobia about plants (since August) and guess what Trader Joe's sells outside their entrance? Once inside, it's okay. We see a lot of our regular Crew Members, and I think that reassures all of us.

Raley's strangely enough, still has the best prices around for cat litter (for what I can easily haul up 16 stairs) and canned cat food. They also have a good emergency sized cat food in the brand they prefer. So I still shop there, either after I drop off James at school or on our way back from Boys and Girls Club. They also have the soft wheat bread that James likes, and the lunch ham that I can use for work lunches. Occasionally they will have a good deal on berries (for James' sister) or asparagus and Peets (for me). And come birthday time, this is where the kids get to pick out the frosting and decorations for their birthday cakes (they both still like making their own cakes from scratch with a Lazy Daisy recipe). I like Raley's a lot. I am glad it's still one of my regular retail stops.

Two new local shopping establishments are being added to our routine: Berry's Market and the True Value Hardware stores down the street from us. But that's another story ...

Trader Joe's and Conversations

James and I made our weekly Trader Joe's run this morning. Later than usual, but we got lucky and hit a lull.

The weather is still damp, cold, and grey. Low lying cloud whisps hovered above the vineyards and hugged the bottoms of the foothills. The air was loaded with moisture. Armed with a grocery list, bags, bottle returns, and a reading test with a 100% grade, we took a cart and headed in.

Wow, Trader Joe's has a ton of holiday food and treats. Despite the awful week, I am comforted by the festive packaging and the helpful crew in our local store. James found Schroeder  (he's in the stuffing section today, Santa Rosa folks) and collected his sucker. He helped me get items from our list. He chose a new type of cookies to try in his lunch.

On our way out, he ran into one of his crew friends, and showed off his history test. Even though the crew member was busy, he took a moment to look at the paper and listen to James. He then gave him a high-five for his grade. Guess who got another sucker?

On the way home, I asked James about his music class at school. He told me they were practicing rhythms with sticks. He said he was alone with his aide. After some more questions about why he wasn't with the mainstream class, I understood: a leaf blower was being used outside the music class, so James got to go to a quieter room with his aide and practice.

Then we sang some of out favourite Christmas carols. Small things. They help.

PS: Trader Joe's is running a Customer Choice Awards contest. Nominate your favourites through tomorrow, December 6th.

Chores on a Summer Schedule

With summer and increased time at home during the day, I am ramping up again with Chores. James has a few standard chores to help keep the home running. I've come up with lists but they tend to fade out of use after a while. Plus every time our schedules change, chores change. It sounds trivial, but it's not when therapy sessions and special routines to accomplish what many do without thinking means changes often result in Stratego/Jenga like juggling sessions. Things tend to get left off now and then.

I started with simple cards that could be put into pockets when the chore was done, as this mirrored what was done in their classrooms. I periodically surf the web and Pinterest, looking for additional ideas. Currently I think we are in synch with this Daily/Weekly Chores chart, and the blog post that accompanies it is very useful as well.

Image of downloadable chart courtesy of Living Well Spending Less.

This week James is also going back to earning iPad time for making bad behavioural choices (our current GoAnimate and pants-pulling issues). I had him help me pick the plums in our back yard, both our of the lawn and storing the ones I picked into a basket. He has a hard time staying outside because of the flying insects, but we continue to expose him to various outside sensory issues, hoping that repetition will help ease the anxiety. And, I did need help!

About half an hour's picking. And no bad behaviours happened.

What do you use to help keep chores on track?

School: The Preshow

Mornings like this are when I suspect that the high points of James' day may come at the beginning. He continues to be interested in all kinds of things in the air. Aren't we lucky that there's an approachable airport on our morning school route?

Here is what we saw this morning (all pictures taken with cell phone on side of road, parked):

A hot air balloon at the airport!

Down for a landing. Time to look for REACH helicopters.

Only one on the pad today. Found out later there was an early morning transport call for a snake bite victim.

Hey wait - the hot air balloon is up in the air again?

Look! A bird, a plane, a hot air balloon!

Postcard-perfect morning in Sonoma County.

Aaaand down for the landing in a field, right on our route to school!

The hot air balloon festival comes to town tomorrow. I can hardly wait!

June Mornings

James has summer school for a month. At first, he was not very happy about this. Now, however, we've found an incentive to make going to school a fun affair -- after dropping Daddy off at work, we head down the road to the airport, to look at the planes taking off and see if the REACH helicopters are out on the tarmac.

One of several craft being fixed up by the Air Museum.

Score! They are both there.

On our driving tour of the airfield, we get to pass by all the wonderful aircraft on display at the Pacific Coast Air Museum. It's been a while since we stopped by. We'll add that to our list of summer activities.

Toward the end of next week, we'll see the hot air balloons practicing for the big annual hot air balloon festival. What a lift for summer school!

Aloha Morning

Yes, it's February in inland Northern California. Mornings are cold and crispish, days have been mostly sunny and mild. Spring is just around the corner, but we'd still enjoy a tropical break, or at least pretend we're on one.

Enter Bad Ass Coffee. Yes, it's a naughty name, but their donkey is cute.  Have you been to one? It's like a visit to the islands. The interior features mock tropical trees and plants, grass and bamboo mock roofs, and there are plenty of island tunes to be had.

When we're on our early morning drop-off schedule, the kids and I like to kill our spare 30 minutes hanging out in the wicker furniture with tropically-inspired upholstery. I get my Kona blend coffee and the kids split a croissant and snuggle with me for a bit.

James either takes pictures with my camera or cozies up with his iPad while I brush Big Sister's long hair and style it for the day. Not only are we a bit earlier than usual for our school arrival, we are usually more relaxed as well.

Some day, I hope we can all take a vacation to Hawaii. I admit, getting James through the lines and airport security is my first worry. Getting him to take a plane ride calmly is another. For right now, this is a nice slice of the tropics in the morning. Aloha!

Early Morning Coffee Stop

Our early schedule is crazy, but it works. We're getting our system down and it gets us all where we need to be on time or even (gasp) early!

Schedule revolves around needing to get James' Dad to a commute bus stop 20 minutes away (closest bus that does not leave at 4 or 5 am) by about 7:15 and getting both kids to school (back up to where we started) before 8:30. After trial and error, here's what I've hammered out. Pack lunches the night before (for my husband, that's packing lunch and dinner the night before). Send daughter to bed in school clothes for the next day. Bedtime strictly enforced.

I get up a little earlier than usual, make coffee, breakfasts, preheat the van, and wake the troops. Load backpacks into van when I go out to warm it. Make sure they're warmly dressed. Kids take their brekkies out to the van. Watch sunrise start to happen behind mountains as we race down the highway (yay, carpool!) Drop Daddy at bus station and wave. Head back up as sun rises.

Hang out at coffee shop near daughter's school, feasting on coffee, ice water, and a croissants. Finish eating, brush out daughter's long hair and style for the day. Keep kids from getting on each others' nerves. Tried the iPad and my smart phone with James to divert him and keep him from messing with the furniture, but it throws him off his morning I think. So I've settled on to a book or toy instead. Seems to work better.

This morning's toy? My camera. Here's what it looks like for us in the coffee shop on an early morning:

Mom's pic.

James, in a cosy corner chair.

James likes the neon.

What a neat shot - he got the neon's reflection on the tabletop!

This is where he starts to annoy his sister. Gleefully, I might add.

Big sister's turn at the camera.

She frames her pictures nicely. Unfortunately, James has
touched the lens again, so we get a universal halo effect.

One of our favourite places to supplement breakfast and hang. Righteous!

Zumba Time ... or Not

School begins again next week. Both kids are getting antsy for a routine and some adventure. James' sister made up a picture scheduler for their day. It was sweet, because she conferred with her brother and he rose to the occasion.

Right now it's Zumba Time in her room. I can hear the music going, punctuated with "Yay!!!" and laughter. James is running around in my sweatshirt, his jammies, and rain boots.

 I hope it lasts. James has not only discovered the power of "NO!," he has acquired quite a verbal litany to back up his dissensions. Luckily, he adores the times his sister wants to play with him, so we don't get much of that at when they play together.

And, I have found an excellent way to encourage the kids to go play:

Another reason to love my Jane Austen DVDs!

Special Exposure / Wordless Weds: Snow!

Although our temps have regularly been in the 20s, it's been clear. So disappointing for my daughter, who would LOVE to be out in a snow storm, or at least a couple of flurries. Snow is strange and wonderous for her.

Our schedules at home have had to shift majorly twice daily to get Daddy down to the commute bus in the morning, well before school, and pick him up after dinner. It's an hour's round-trip each time. And on top of it all, I am trying to catch up on groceries, birthday, and Christmas preparations that I never got the chance to do over the past 2 weeks. I made it to the gym exactly once, which is dire for me. Some days the kids have spent 3 or more hours in the van. I am trying to make things as fun as possible and keep the holiday magic going, at least for the kids and I.

How fortunate that our town has a grove of 150 decorated Christmas trees at the Town Green, and that twice nightly, it "snows" in a certain part of the grove. A couple of times I have taken the kids there after a dinner on the go, so they could have half an hour of fun outside before another round-trip down the freeway. The joy on their faces goes a long way to soothing my heart right now:

 

For more images from the heart, and to share some of yours,
visit Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.






                ... and Wordless Wednesday.

Special Exposure / Wordless Weds: Real Truthiness

The real reason why we were almost late to school the other morning:

Bard and Purple Zebra - Partners in Chasing Fun

I blame Bard!


I am very proud to be part of a special Homecoming edition of Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. Check out their very special video and some great posts. Share one of your own!

Also happy to be part of Wordless Wednesday            

Morning Roundup

How appropriate! Copeland's Rodeo Hoedown was playing on the radio as I chased the kids around to get ready for school this morning.

Yee-haw from the folks at Burnt Ranch!  I turned it up really loud too ...

Hoedown from Rodeo from Eleanor Stewart on Vimeo.

Animation courtesy of Eleanor Stewart and Vimeo.

Changings Seasons and Routines

Happy Fall Equinox! Even though I come to dread the cold, wet, dark days of Winter, Fall has become my favourite time of year. The smell of crisp change in the air, the brilliant leaf colours and last flare from flower beds, the sounds of leaves being crunched with glee all life my spirits. The grapes are being harvested in the vineyards, the Farmers' Markets are flourishing, and the kids are starting to buzz with excitement of Halloween, Christmas, and both their birthdays on the horizon.

  

This morning also saw another change in our morning routine for school. This is the first year I've personally had to deliver both kids to their respective schools in the morning, and I am struggling to find success. First I started with dropping off Big Sister -- Third Grade, after all, is important stuff!  But that left me struggling to get James to school on time. It also left me going in circles, because most of my errands are down near Big Sister's school, not James', which is near our house.

So I talked with James' Services Coordinator at school (because I can't just leave James alone on the playground - he'd wander off), and arranged to have his aide waiting for him 10 minutes before school on the playground so I could flip the dropoffs. On the days that we made a timely connection with James' aide and made all the stoplights, Big Sister could just be on time for school, if she scooted across the campus quickly enough. But guess what? That didn't always happen.

Then this week, they started tree-trimming on the road between their schools and closing lanes of traffic, making cars wait. Guess what? I got called by Big Sister's teacher. This isn't working he said, in the nicest way possible. Could we try switching the dropoffs again?

Sigh. Yes. Luckily, Big Sis loves her new teacher, class, and finally, her "new" school. I told her that she needed to get ready 20 minutes earlier to do this and get James to school on time. And kudos to her, she did it. James is actually easy to get ready for school. He changes clothes in 2 minutes flat and brushing his hair takes about as long (he hates it, but it's short). He actually will scoot out the door earlier in the morning if it means he gets a longer ride in the car and can wave to Big Sis at her school.

Big Sis wins because she's early, and can take her time and talk with the kids at her school. James wins because he'd rather be dropped off last. His aide and teacher win because there's more time for them to prepare in the morning and touch base with me about how James is doing. I get to do more driving, is the only downer. But that's okay, because I can change too.

Story Boarding Bedtime

This is what our respite care/sitter notes look like for starting bedtime:

This way the sitter has a plan and James gets some reinforcement. I had to do it on the fly because ... well, I haven't gone out at night in a looooooong time!

What do you use?

Back to School

James went back to school today, after just 2 weeks of being on vacation. That's 15 days of him asking "I go to school today?", a week of recovery from an ear infection, 4 days of riding his Brand New BIKE!!!!

However you slice it, we had a lot going on over the holidays, culminating in a day trip to Half Moon Bay with friends. The trip and our friends were awesome. We had a ramble along the shore & in a garden, watched waves crash, and explored a gnarled grove of bent over cypress trees ... Too much. James punctuated the day with mournful sentences like "we have to go *home* now" and needing some extra time with me in a quiet room.

There were a lot of positive highlights, like James listening to me read "The Velveteen Rabbit" in one sitting. I forgot it can be a long book to read, but oh what a splendid book!

Then there was the day before NYE trip to Trader Joe's for the weekly shopping. It had rained several days straight and the kids had cabin fever. James took this opportunity to smile at everyone possible and exclaim "Hi! What's your name?" One of the store employees asked him if he was looking for something and James replied "Yeah -- SpongeBob!" ... which is pretty funny, if you've noticed a similarity between Bikini Bottom and the whole South Seas decor of TJs.

Speaking of which -- gotta go. James has Squidward on hold on his Handy Manny phone; the call, evidently, is for me. Meanwhile, James is happily back in his school routine and sharing his delight.