Independent Living Skills: The Schedule

 Fall is a good regrouping time for many special needs families - the start of another school year, support services are done with summer and vacation schedules. Goals are one everyone's mind.

With ABA legacy, current school Transitional IEP, and new Behavioral Respite teams on board, it's time to surround James with opportunities and support for honing and growing his independent living skills.

Yesterday, the focus was on washing his own dishes. We have a bottle brush and gloves that help him with that. Today it's removing trash from his room and bathroom. I am still doing the heavy lifting for both activities, but we are building James'' skills. The practice, with reinforcement at school and during respite, will help.

ABA had lovely schedules at first. What ends up working best now? a brief list of Chores and Rewards (incentives). 

I am inspired to get us on a whole house chore chart for daily and weekly chores, especially with 2 more cats and storage boxes in the house. Pinterest and Google are most obliging with ingenious designs.  

Chores were verbally assigned and understood in my home, growing up. Both James and I can benefit from a visual organization. 

ALL The Things - To Do List

 So today I woke up at 4:00 AM, courtesy of my head cold and next door neighbours who like to slam doors as they let the dog out, take the dog for a walk, come home from a walk, then leave for work.

After being sick for almost 2 weeks and finally getting 2 nights of good sleep, I was ready to Do The Things - ALL The Things. So it wasn't bad at all to start that early. I made my evil dark coffee and drank it while I made The To Do List - Christmas day menus, items to get at the store, admin tasks, reminders ... all of which helped me organize the sequence for the day. 

I made breakfast for James and made sure he had his meds. I bagged up water bottles to recycle and had James dump his launder in the washer to be cleaned. List and recycling in hand I shepherded my guy into the van for stop #1: Trader Joe's. Although it had been open only 15 minutes, the lot was full. Luckily inside was not so bad. The recycling got taken care of. Wow, milk has shot up! I discovered that the one thing they were out of was what I wanted for Christmas dinner's main course. 

Okay, back at the van, James helped me load the groceries and then he returned the cart. Off to Stop#2 Kohl's. Avoided crowded route and entered a store with very few shoppers (I remember from my Christmas working at Capwell's that you have to get there before 11 to avoid crowds). This made it easy for James to pick out a gift for his dad.  There was no one in line and we zig-zagged through the line like the beginning of Shrek in Duloc. I swiped my online order on the way out - voila, James now has a Christmas t-shirt!

Stopped (#3) at the independent grocer on the way home and had a lovely conversation with the butcher, who saved Christmas! James' Cheez-Its were and on sale on the way to the register, so I got enough to last him on vacation. 

We tried looking for deer on Deer Hill South, but saw none. At home, James helped me unload the car and he took a break while I put away food, tossed his clothes in the dryer, and took a breather. Then I helped James get started on a shower and hair washing, which we accomplished in under an hour!!! Clean clothes were sorted, folded and donned. Hygiene list was completed.

Next, we hit the road so he could visit with his dad, play video games, and give him his present. They had a good time. I got to gas up the van for the cheapest gas around and hang out in the redwoods for a nature break.

On the way back up, hanger started to set in (not too badly, though), so we celebrated being on vacation and shower/shampoo victory with a pizza and shake from Amy's. Now it's dark again at just after 5:00 PM, but I can rest. It feels so good. 

Chores 'n' Stuff

 

So I am ramping up on chores and taking James with me. Room cleaning, dishes in the sink, trash bags out, beds made, floor sweepings, and bathroom cleaning are getting back to a regular schedule. We are even doing some Spring cleanings such as weeding and washing exteriors walls as needed.

I have one big incentive to sweeten the deal: The Internet. If my pep talk gets ignored, the router is shut off. 

It is amazing what can be done in so short a time. It's not just James who benefits from turning off the internet - I get off my screens and start doing more things too.

Occasionally, I will mention it is time to do something, like laundry, and James will get his clothes, toss them in the washer, add detergent, and turn on the machine. When this happens, there's a heavenly chorus, inside my head.

Other incentives are car trips for James. Yesterday, after helping me clean out our car, we went for a drive to the ocean. It was a gorgeous (if windy) Spring day.

Spring Cleaning, Chores, & Life Skills

Sometimes it's hard to get James and I moving on Saturday. On top of weekend inertia, several years worth of a full work week and single parenting my guy means I am exhausted by the time I hit Friday afternoon. Mornings with no demanding schedule are so peaceful and seductive. Sometimes I rouse my reading or leisure activity to realize it's already noon. 

This past weekend, with help from my SIL and friends, I was able to kick it up a notch or two. With their help, I was able to cheer my teen through showering and hair washing (hair washing!!!) before we hit the front yard and started to remove the jungle of weeds from the front, in preparation to installing a fence.

In between, a dangling ceiling light was fixed and discussions were had about dental treatments and the importance of taking care of yourself. James' Saturday reward was a milkshake and a drive through Deer Hill South (saw 4 deer, grazing on an abandoned front yard).

Today we tackle his room, removing food and dishes (teens!), trash, and fixing his bed. A bag of trash will be removed. It's also shower day again. Today's reward will be a drive through the Spring countryside. 

In between I will motivate myself through dishes, laundry, floor sweeping, sorting old clothes for donation, and more yard work. 

There may be a trip to the Farmers' Market (first day of 2022!) or a plant nursery, for chores completed later this week.

 

Life Skills, Home Version

At 12, James has chores to help around the house. He empties smaller trash cans into a garbage bag and then hauls the bag off to the dumpster. He can gather his far-flung dishes and stack them neatly in the sink. He knows where the snacks are if he gets hungry. He cleans his own bathroom and helps pick up around the apartment and his room. He helps me to shop and to carry groceries.

Today we started two new items:

(1) Independence at the laundromat. While James has been doing his own laundry for a while now, that was when we lived in a house, and our washer/dryer were in the garage. Now we use the little laundromat downstairs. There are stairs to navigate with the full basket. He now needs to deal with a coin box, which requires correct sorting of quarters and mastery of the coin slide mechanics. And timing -- we share the little laundromat with 4-5 other units. James has learned that if you don't quickly make a move on an empty washer on the weekends, you will need to wait another hour before trying again.

(2) Vacuuming the carpet. This is big progress. James used to scream and cry at the sound of a vacuum cleaner. Over the years we progressed to his tolerating it behind closed doors in another room. In an apartment with wall-to-wall carpeting and two cats, however, vacuuming has become more necessary. I gave James the choice between cleaning the cat box or running the vacuum cleaner. He chose the vacuum cleaner. He has learned how to plug it in, that the cord comes out of the unit and retracts if you depress a lever. He has learned which lever allows the handle to ease back and that the red button controls the on/off function. The noise still bothers him, so I will take him to try on headphones that dampen noises.

Not only does this help me, it (hopefully) shows James that everyone needs to pitch in to help keep a home going. It's also giving him life skills so he can have a more independent life.

A Little Vacuum Miracle

Another "first."

The old vacuum (I cannot even remember how old it was) has finally died a slow, ugly, noisy, smelly death. I knew it was time to give it up and get a new machine when the old model started channeling the Exorcist by spewing out what it had just tried to consume creating hazy, odoriferous mayhem. I put off finding a replacement for as long as I could.

Over the past dozen years or so, vacuuming has become a traumatic event - for the kids because of the noise (it would literally send James running, screaming as he bolted in panic to escape the noise) and for me because it turned the chore into a horrible beat the clock kind of ordeal that had to be planned and frantically executed in a small amount of time when the kids were not around (which got even more challenging once I went back to work full time and the vacuum started breaking down and needing constant fixing).

Even opening the closet and seeing the red instrument of malevolent cacophony would set of anxiety attacks for James, who would then need constant reassurance that that hideous thing would soon be safely back behind closed doors. Unplugged. No really, I mean it.

So, new vacuum. I debated endlessly the merits of vacuums. We have cats. There is dirt galore. Crumbalanches have been known to happen in areas near the TV. I discover that lower decibel vacuums for pet owners in a modest price range are now a thing. Excitement! After hours of research and second-guessing myself, I schlepped off to Costco for a new Shark. I've never bought one before, but it got good reviews online and was on sale.

As I was eyeing the two Shark models on display, an older gentleman paused his cart alongside mine and regarded me with faint dismay. "Oh my, no. You are thinking of buying the Shark?" Out whisked a business card. "Forgive me, but I run a vacuum repair shop in town. You do not want a Shark. Those things come in for repairs? They are useless. Just a big metal paperweight. I am sorry for for interrupting but I just could not help myself. You can call the number on the card if you need anything." And off he sailed, as gracious as all get out.

Okay, Universe, I can take a hint. Hoover Wind Tunnel it was.

I got it home, assembled it, and turned it on. Oh my goodness - it really is a lot quieter!! And it does work well. I just have to continuously empty the canister. That's okay, though. It's easier to get to the canister and overall it is much lighter and easier to maneuver than the old one. It was more on sale than either of the two Sharks. My favourite feature? Auto-retractable cord. Yes!

The mini miracle? James isn't scared of it. He even came out to see how it worked. Both hands over his ears and bent over with anxiety, but I actually think he will get more used to this. He even tried pushing the vacuum himself. This is one of the times I am doing a victory whoop and dance inside my head. Yes!!!! We are just that much closer to mastering another life skill.

Which is good, because our mastery with the mop still needs a LOT of work. But that's another story ...

Weekend Chores

James is ten, almost eleven. One of the things I have been working with him includes learning skills to live more independently. James is good when self-directed, or working off a chart.

This morning, we worked on gathering laundry and gathering for washing. Laundry takes the longest, but he is getting better at it. I still have to watch him load the washer because sometimes things he throws in his laundry basket should be be added to the washer, such as stray toy building bricks, his jacket, or a plastic bag of dirty clothes (from an outing).

Washing dishes is tougher for James, with the slippery dishes and difficulty he has making one hand grip a cup or plate and the other a sponge to administer a scrubbing. I've found it's best to try with plasticware ... and have a spare shirt and pants handy when he gets his first set splashed with water.

Last weekend we straightened the DVDs and VHS tapes.

Baby steps!

Chores on a Summer Schedule

With summer and increased time at home during the day, I am ramping up again with Chores. James has a few standard chores to help keep the home running. I've come up with lists but they tend to fade out of use after a while. Plus every time our schedules change, chores change. It sounds trivial, but it's not when therapy sessions and special routines to accomplish what many do without thinking means changes often result in Stratego/Jenga like juggling sessions. Things tend to get left off now and then.

I started with simple cards that could be put into pockets when the chore was done, as this mirrored what was done in their classrooms. I periodically surf the web and Pinterest, looking for additional ideas. Currently I think we are in synch with this Daily/Weekly Chores chart, and the blog post that accompanies it is very useful as well.

Image of downloadable chart courtesy of Living Well Spending Less.

This week James is also going back to earning iPad time for making bad behavioural choices (our current GoAnimate and pants-pulling issues). I had him help me pick the plums in our back yard, both our of the lawn and storing the ones I picked into a basket. He has a hard time staying outside because of the flying insects, but we continue to expose him to various outside sensory issues, hoping that repetition will help ease the anxiety. And, I did need help!

About half an hour's picking. And no bad behaviours happened.

What do you use to help keep chores on track?