Indepedent Steps

 James made a PB&J this weekend. All on his own. I am excited -
the quiet deep excitement with the word "YES" playing over in my head. 

At was all the more terrific because he did it when he was frustrated. The pizza delivery he'd earned was, shall we say, messed up on the delivery end. He was hungry. I suggested he make himself a snack, something like he'd been practicing in ABA sessions, like a sandwich or quesadilla.

He said "Peanut butter and jelly? um, okay - yes!" Out came the jars. He found the bread and pronounced it "good!" and proceeded to make his sandwich. He needed a little help with cutting it diagonally, but that's it. No prompting, no fussing, just calm and confident sandwich making.

We celebrated by visiting Diagon Alley via the first Harry Potter movie. James faded out soon after that scene. I think the shouty Dursleys were really his favourite part.

It hit me again this morning, as I was doing errands. Driving the van on a clear sunny autumn morning, where the flaming trees showed bold against the blue sky, yet the sunlight felt warm and mellow inside the car. Again, the quiet "Yes!" and then "Thank you". Because we are here again, moving forward. James is using life skills we've been working on.  

Tall Teen Becomes Short Order Chef

This past Friday's ABA session included work on independence skills. It tied in nicely with both our current obsession with the Great British Baking Show and a nigh universal love of .... bacon!

James was extremely skeptical, but his awesome ABA Team swung him into -- cooking bacon. And not just any bacon, oh no. They brought a delectable offering from Oliver's.

At first, James retreated down the hall. Bacon smells when it cooks, and I don't make it that often. Then too, he knew that he would also be expected to touch and taste it this time. Trying new foods is not what James wants at all. But, he is growing still and needs to be comfortable with eating a wider variety of foods.

I watched, as discretely as a mom can watch her child in action to achieve. James did a great job of stepping up to the pan and using tongs to turn the bacon while the fat sizzled, snapped and popped. He even rearranged the bacon slices to lie flat and straight in the pan.

At the end of the session, he presented me with this tasty delight:

As they say on that show, attention to detail is what makes you an excellent chef.

Way to go, James - and thanks to his ABA team!

Pause and Reflect

Over the past month, the kids and I, especially James, have had to deal with a lot of new programs (doctors, summer school programs, etc.). It's been bumpy, but I've been here before. This has me thinking of what I pull from sometimes to cope with autism, learning issues, and behaviour/emotional problems.

I have a creative, visual style. Words are great, but there are many ways to communicate. I used to draw my feelings, stories, moods. I sang. I danced. I painted. I participated in group art classes and learned that no two people see the world in the same way, which is truly amazing.

I traveled. While in high school, college, and after. I learned the value of places that are public and offer services. I learned to be resourceful and friendly, while being alert to my surroundings. I found that the little things can matter more that the big tourism totems. I learned the value of listening. I learned how to change plans and change with them - because sometimes it ends up being better. And if not, there's always another change coming, and that one could be a really nice one.

I played sports. I learned to take being the only girl in a class of boys for swimming, skiing, playing soccer or football. Cross country taught me how to put my head down and focus on putting one step in front of the other to get through a rough patch. Swimming, yoga, and dance taught me how to breathe and let tension go. Just keep moving forward.

I have good friends, who let me vent, get weepy, and do a neat trick of soothing, humourous support of "yeah, this is crazy - now get back out there, Girl!" I have a really, really great best friend who from way back when saw life with me as a chance to turn challenges into a kind of game.

My family. My parents loved my brother and me - to the moon and back. I have such good memories of trips, reading, music, meals, jokes, and holidays. I want to share these with my kids and have good memories built with them too. I want them to know the security of having relatives who love them, unconditionally.

I read a lot. It helps me imaging other points of view. I learn constantly. It takes me away when I am stuck, sad and frustrated. When I need to rest or visit an old friend, I pick up a paperback, laptop, or Kindle Fire and access to almost any time, anywhere.

This makes me thankful I've had the chance to acquire a base like this.

I'd love to talk with other parents some day, and hear them talk about what they pull from to deal with their lives.

Life Skills, Home Version

At 12, James has chores to help around the house. He empties smaller trash cans into a garbage bag and then hauls the bag off to the dumpster. He can gather his far-flung dishes and stack them neatly in the sink. He knows where the snacks are if he gets hungry. He cleans his own bathroom and helps pick up around the apartment and his room. He helps me to shop and to carry groceries.

Today we started two new items:

(1) Independence at the laundromat. While James has been doing his own laundry for a while now, that was when we lived in a house, and our washer/dryer were in the garage. Now we use the little laundromat downstairs. There are stairs to navigate with the full basket. He now needs to deal with a coin box, which requires correct sorting of quarters and mastery of the coin slide mechanics. And timing -- we share the little laundromat with 4-5 other units. James has learned that if you don't quickly make a move on an empty washer on the weekends, you will need to wait another hour before trying again.

(2) Vacuuming the carpet. This is big progress. James used to scream and cry at the sound of a vacuum cleaner. Over the years we progressed to his tolerating it behind closed doors in another room. In an apartment with wall-to-wall carpeting and two cats, however, vacuuming has become more necessary. I gave James the choice between cleaning the cat box or running the vacuum cleaner. He chose the vacuum cleaner. He has learned how to plug it in, that the cord comes out of the unit and retracts if you depress a lever. He has learned which lever allows the handle to ease back and that the red button controls the on/off function. The noise still bothers him, so I will take him to try on headphones that dampen noises.

Not only does this help me, it (hopefully) shows James that everyone needs to pitch in to help keep a home going. It's also giving him life skills so he can have a more independent life.