Pause and Reflect

Over the past month, the kids and I, especially James, have had to deal with a lot of new programs (doctors, summer school programs, etc.). It's been bumpy, but I've been here before. This has me thinking of what I pull from sometimes to cope with autism, learning issues, and behaviour/emotional problems.

I have a creative, visual style. Words are great, but there are many ways to communicate. I used to draw my feelings, stories, moods. I sang. I danced. I painted. I participated in group art classes and learned that no two people see the world in the same way, which is truly amazing.

I traveled. While in high school, college, and after. I learned the value of places that are public and offer services. I learned to be resourceful and friendly, while being alert to my surroundings. I found that the little things can matter more that the big tourism totems. I learned the value of listening. I learned how to change plans and change with them - because sometimes it ends up being better. And if not, there's always another change coming, and that one could be a really nice one.

I played sports. I learned to take being the only girl in a class of boys for swimming, skiing, playing soccer or football. Cross country taught me how to put my head down and focus on putting one step in front of the other to get through a rough patch. Swimming, yoga, and dance taught me how to breathe and let tension go. Just keep moving forward.

I have good friends, who let me vent, get weepy, and do a neat trick of soothing, humourous support of "yeah, this is crazy - now get back out there, Girl!" I have a really, really great best friend who from way back when saw life with me as a chance to turn challenges into a kind of game.

My family. My parents loved my brother and me - to the moon and back. I have such good memories of trips, reading, music, meals, jokes, and holidays. I want to share these with my kids and have good memories built with them too. I want them to know the security of having relatives who love them, unconditionally.

I read a lot. It helps me imaging other points of view. I learn constantly. It takes me away when I am stuck, sad and frustrated. When I need to rest or visit an old friend, I pick up a paperback, laptop, or Kindle Fire and access to almost any time, anywhere.

This makes me thankful I've had the chance to acquire a base like this.

I'd love to talk with other parents some day, and hear them talk about what they pull from to deal with their lives.

People Who Shine

For various reasons, I have been reflecting on a line from one of my favourite movies:

"Character is what you are in the dark."
Buckaroo Banzai rocks, just saying.

Yes, things are dark. And then there are people who come across our dark patches, and shine. They can mean so much by just being who they are.

We were so lucky to have met with one for James' second aide last school year. She wrote simple affirmations for him that made all the difference. Really, the words written on a 3x5 card that read "I am smart" and "I can do this" made a blazingly positive change for the better for him in school, and encouraged me to change direction myself.

The man at the craft and hobby hall at the county fair, who made a decision to being his miniature train park project to the public and spend all afternoon at the table so he could share his excitement with others, and make the time to ask kids to take a look. He then encouraged them to share what they thought and he *listened.* It's rather rare for someone to give others the time and space to form original thoughts and then receiving their perspectives with relaxed and obvious delight.

Tonight, another person shone brightly for us -- the woman who cuts our hair. It's a bit of a drive to get to her workplace, so I don't see her often. She does a fabulous job with cutting my daughter's long hair and giving me a clean, yet sassy, look. Always friendly and encouraging, we love to visit with her. For a few months, I'd been thinking she'd be the perfect person to give James his first non-mom hair cut. She works with horses, has children of her own, and James has been on hand a few times while we had our hair done.

James is also going through a phase of imitating his older sister, so I figured that might further help him get his first hair cut from a professional. I called and discussed it with her, outlining his sensitivities and reactions and asking if she'd be willing to try giving an autistic 8 year-old his first haircut in a shop. Bless her, she said yes. And not only that, she was upbeat about it.

But she did not just cut his hair - oh no. She asked his permission to cut his hair first, and told him it would make her happy if he let her try. She talked gently and coaxingly through the swift cut, and he never once shrieked or twisted, although he did flinch. When he became apprehensive, she let him touch and hold the scissors or comb so he could get used to it. After, she thanked him and told him how handsome he looked. James grew an inch taller at that, I tell you.

Best part for James? She played hide-and-go-seek with him all the time my hair colour was setting. Right there in the salon! Luckily, it was after regular hours. While she was cutting my hair, James and his sister took turns playing the game in the many rooms and hallways. Then it got quiet, so we sought the kids out. They were in a massage room, playing. Both kids got suckers and on the ride home I played the car CD, which was Christmas instrumentals. They were very happy and have already asked how soon could we go back.

I can never thank people like her enough. They pick me up and keep me going. And I am so grateful for the reminder of light in the dark.

Car Tracks

We have new tunes for the morning trek around Sonoma County as I drop the kids off at their schools.

#1: The Swisskapolka. I kid you not. It could be worse, and on a good day, it makes me want to polka.

#2: The soundtrack for King Arthur's carousel. If you don't know where it is, never mind.

#3: Theme to Tarzan, wild animals and all!

#4: Ride sound system for California Screamin'. Best if I can time the countdown part to finish just as I hit a hill.

Just around this bend is The BEST rollercoaster hill!

And when the kids are gone? I put on Soarin' Over California.

Good thing we love Disney.

Dangling Participle, or: IEP Cliffhanger

So a team of six (myself included) met this week for James' annual IEP. An hour was allotted. We talked for an hour and a half. We're still not done.

One of the reasons the meeting went so long was that we all had a lot to share and say; the atmosphere was friendly and relaxed, yet professional. James has met all but one of his goals from last year, and we were all excited that the ground he gained opened up new areas for goals.

We hit a snag on the last goal, which was tied to behaviour in class. We discussed the heck out of that one and referred to a therapist's report and still had to adjourn without consensus. We all acknowledge there is a goal or two in there that needs work.

It reminds me of a dangling participle (or cliff hanger, if you are not fascinated with grammar):
"The antecedent—that is, the noun to which the participle refers—must be clear to the readers in order for them to understand what's being said. Otherwise, an action may be subscribed to the wrong player. That's called a 'dangling participle,' because it's left 'dangling' without a clear antecedent."
(Ta, USU!)

I think the next step is to identify the desired behaviour and then work to support it. It sounds like that will be to get him to stay seated and focus on work for longer periods of time and more independently. The motivator is a mystery. The Behaviourist made suggestions that the teacher and aide say they have tried, but do not find effective. Motivating James ... now there's a subject to explore!

To be continued ... (like his IEP meeting)