Community Rules - Practical Applications

 In the same ABA session that explained and defined House Rules, James' Team also covered Community Rules, or CRs. The CRs are to address safety issues, such as not walking into the street, keeping his seat belt buckled when riding in a car, and using Friendly Language.

Yesterday James and I used these CRs on the drive to get hair cuts, the hair cut appointments, and the drive back down home. They were in use again when we drove to our in-person ABA Social Group and home again. It wasn't a complete reversal of the negative behaviours and scripting that we've been struggling with recently, but it did make things much smoother and calmer.

As James heads to adulthood, it's more important than ever that I do what I can to help set him up for success, which I see as living as independent a life as possible, enjoying the activities he likes with a productive routine and a good support group.

I am so grateful there is a young adult peer group that he can join. In general I feel this is crucial for teens, people on the spectrum even more, and James in particular, as he is a social and curious guy. In the past, I have seen great benefits to James from social modeling that comes from in inclusion. I think being able to participate in regular summer day camps, swim lessons, and classrooms really helped him understand and and develop not only language, but turn taking, chore performance, and the ability to play with others. I feel all this has enriched his life.

Even though he is almost an adult, he is still testing the limits, and these rules are a good transition between unspoken rules in younger/smaller settings to more adult classrooms and work environments, where rules have to be spelled out and adults are expected to follow them. 

Autism Speaks has a nice page that discusses Social Skills and Autism in easy-to-understand detail and also provides resources. 

House Rules, With ABA

 

Right now, ABA peeps are working with James for House Rules and Community Rules. James and I have been having some extremely rocky days recently and I realized I needed more help and called in his ABA Team. 

It sounds really funny, but we have never needed to officially spell out House Rules before.

I let James know that I asked for help with this, and that he'd be working on House Rules with ABA and me. I did this because James is worried about what people will think about him, and about what they might say about him. His automatic responses are usually "I did't do anything wrong" and "I didn't mean to" and (starting a couple years back) cussing like a sailor (thanks public schools, rant videos,  and lack of social opportunities). By letting him know this was coming, in a calm manner, I hoped for better engagement.

These Rules are the continuation of the "expected vs. unexpected behaviours" that we've been reviewing at school, home, and ABA. It pairs well with the recent work to use Friendly Words at school and in public (to curb swearing and inappropriate scripting). 

Discussing and defining these Rules, if/then scenarios, and rewards for following the Rules also touches on the Zones of Regulation. These Rules also affirm my recent work with James about setting and respecting privacy and boundaries.

In the course of writing this Blog post I came across this great page of resources from Autism Speaks: "Out in the Community". 

Feeling hopeful, and so glad I have some backup for this.

Happy Birthday, Disneyland!

 Disney and Disneyland have figured prominently in our family life. First, I love a lot of Disney - animated movies, music, art, creativity, and the craftsmanship that went into building Disneyland. 

Then came autism, and trips to Disneyland became my sanity breaks and our most consistent vacations. At least until the kids were well into elementary school. After that, Disneyland started to become expensive and our income decreased, and we got priced out. I still tried to get us back there every 2-4 years, because it still felt good to be there, and I had game plans to maximize our time, budget, and tools for sensitive kiddos.

Now Disneyland barely feels like it once did. It's now difficult to save up, plan, and make reservations for what used to be accessible on a same-day whim. The crowds are crazy, and the last 2 trips had me overhearing parents melting down about kids not moving fast enough "to get their money's worth" of their day. Several of our former quiet spots have been shut off and restricted to exclusive groups that are out of our tax bracket. 

Still, magic remains. Especially in our memories. The best are from when we got there before the gates opened, excitedly anticipating our day. We'd down our breakfast bars and slap on sunscreen while waiting for the gates to open. We'd pick 3 rides (Peter Pan, Alice, and Small World) to experience right away, then break for breakfast by the Matterhorn (gushing water, Yeti yowling, and Monorail honks in the background) before enjoying whatever else the day (and afternoon and evening) would bring. 

I think that's why Disneyland is still a touchpoint - it feels a bit like family - our home away from home that remained a constant, happy destination despite hard times, divorce, and unplanned changes. 

Extra Sensory Days

 Yesterday and today, both my son and I have experienced what I think of as extra sensory days. For myself, this means I have no tolerance for interruptions of any kind and go through the day (with things constantly going wrong) feeling hangry despite not being hungry. I fix one thing and two more things break. I am thirsty and water does not help. I find a moment of calm and James comes out with questions about King Jong-Un, 9/11, WW I. and how to remove a child-proof cap from his meds. Also, to tell me he did not try texting people at 4AM and why is he being blocked on his phone?  Ahhhhhhh!

It started when I had to take James with me to my morning eye appointment, because school's out, this was the earliest I could schedule, and my eye sight's been wonky, even with newer reading glasses. James trailed me in, not very happy to be rousted out of been on his summer vacation for this. He kept sidling down hallways when he should stay put, stopping in said hallways and blocking others when we moved to the next exam room, constant verbal stims that included some swear words, and finally backed out of the room in the middle of me having a light in my eye and having to remain still. Mama Spidey-sense is a Thing. I felt like a drill sergeant by the appointment's end.

The staff, were all wonderful and understanding. No one was cranky or raised their voice. They were calm and extremely kind. I cannot say enough good about them. Especially when James informed me, back in the parking lot, that he left his drink cup in the last exam room. Grrrrrrr. No worries - it was up at the nurses' station when I went back and everyone was upbeat about its being reunited with its owner.

Back at home, the cats were punks and tested gravity with a vengeance and one escaped to the great outdoors, grounding us until he returned. Buh-bye plans to meet up with friends at the bowling alley. The fix on the van's a/c broke and then required a more expen$ive repair. The replacement part turned out to be faulty .... Buh-bye planned road trip and weekend gathering with friends. 

James has been extra bothered by noises I can barely hear and routinely tune out (barking dogs. kids on bikes, and leaf blower blocks and blocks away). It's left him in the yellow zone and more prone to swearing. I still have to semi-barricade the side door to dissuade him from going into the neighbour's yard. I feel it works better than me constantly verbally telling him to leave the door alone.

We are hunkering down at home. Thankful it's ours and quiet today. Thankful for the repaired a/c in our van and a very honest and trustworthy mechanic. Thankful for my mom, who picked us up from the mechanic's one day and brought us back the next. Thankful for understanding medical staff. Now I think the only thing we might need later is ice cream ...

Summer Social

Current State of Party Socialization

 We were invited to a small summer party by one of James' classmates. This is one of the wonderful parts of his school - social inclusion by peers - and their parents. 

James did his usual peripheral arcs around the main action at the pool and poolside food tables. The hosts were so kind when he disappeared to check out their video collection, cat, and side yard. When he'd reappear, his friends would greet him by calling out his name, like Norm in Cheers. 

It's hard for me to know just what James thinks or gets out of this experience. I know he looks forward to it, because these are the people he likes to talk about from school, and he participated well for getting ready (even to washing his hair and doing his checklist!). I hope it gives him good memories.

I got to talk with moms, a dad, and exchange phone numbers for bowling and other meet ups. I feel much more confident this year that they will happen sooner rather than later. 

Although we now have our own place and a side yard, it is not the greatest for entertaining James and his friends. I came up with a list of places we could meet up:

• Doran Beach
• Town Green
• Scandia
• Movies (rent a theater and watch a movie at reduced sound levels)

Hoping to come up with more.