Community Rules - Practical Applications

 In the same ABA session that explained and defined House Rules, James' Team also covered Community Rules, or CRs. The CRs are to address safety issues, such as not walking into the street, keeping his seat belt buckled when riding in a car, and using Friendly Language.

Yesterday James and I used these CRs on the drive to get hair cuts, the hair cut appointments, and the drive back down home. They were in use again when we drove to our in-person ABA Social Group and home again. It wasn't a complete reversal of the negative behaviours and scripting that we've been struggling with recently, but it did make things much smoother and calmer.

As James heads to adulthood, it's more important than ever that I do what I can to help set him up for success, which I see as living as independent a life as possible, enjoying the activities he likes with a productive routine and a good support group.

I am so grateful there is a young adult peer group that he can join. In general I feel this is crucial for teens, people on the spectrum even more, and James in particular, as he is a social and curious guy. In the past, I have seen great benefits to James from social modeling that comes from in inclusion. I think being able to participate in regular summer day camps, swim lessons, and classrooms really helped him understand and and develop not only language, but turn taking, chore performance, and the ability to play with others. I feel all this has enriched his life.

Even though he is almost an adult, he is still testing the limits, and these rules are a good transition between unspoken rules in younger/smaller settings to more adult classrooms and work environments, where rules have to be spelled out and adults are expected to follow them. 

Autism Speaks has a nice page that discusses Social Skills and Autism in easy-to-understand detail and also provides resources. 

ABA at Full Capacity

 For the first time in many months, almost a year, James is back at full programming for applied behavioral analysis, or ABA, therapy. It has been so long in fact that I am finding myself having to adjust my schedule to accommodate it. 

For one thing, I will have to up my housekeeping game. The ABA therapists need to have space to work with James. They also will be working with him to make sure he is done his chores in his room and  bathroom, so I need to work more with James to make sure that this goes as smoothly as possible. 

It does have its good side. Right now I am on the back porch looking at the garden and the trees above the creek. 

Even better, I know that James is in good hands and he is interacting with people, which is really what he is enjoying these days - making connections outside his family and getting the chances for new kinds of conversations and playing card games like Uno, Guess in 10, and Would You Rather.

Social Pastimes 101

 Engaging with James outside of school, chores, or self care has always been a bit of a challenge. When he was very small, we were able to do Music Together, reading together, swim time at the pool, or explore parks and beaches. He loved playing with his sister, although she was the leader, he had a blast following along with her.

As he's gotten older and I've been back at work full time while single parenting, it's gotten harder and harder to just spend time with him. We both love our screens too much and the last few years have left us both stressed out and exhausted. He is also 17 and ready to meet other kids, although his behaviours and eloping are a challenge for this.

Sometimes we can engage in cooking or brief letter writing. Often we bond over car rides or music we like to listen to. Whenever I make photo books for our year, I make a copy for James, as he enjoys looking through them.

The ABA folks are having much better luck connecting socially and recreationally with James in their afternoon sessions. I have reassessed my stock of social activities in our new place and have bolstered reading and our board games with cards and more social games:

• Uno emoji
• Smack It
• Guess in 10
• Conversational "Uno" cards from the ABA office
• Mario Kart Uno (not shown)
• Matilda, by Roald Dahl

ABA While on Vacay

We took a brief break from Applied Behavioural Analysis (ABA) the last few days of school. I spent about as much time calming down James afterward as he spent doing ABA. It was not worth the crying and further reduction in eating. Plus, I was getting no sleep and James was not happy next day at school.

Now, however, it is summer, and James can start back up again. We are back at our local Starbucks, because it has WiFi (which allows for the iPad to be used for his checklist and reward games of Angry Birds) and gets him out of the house (so he is not in his room all day or feels like he's being cornered in his own home).

There are some nice conversations going on right now, while James periodically gets up and wanders about. I am really hoping James settles down, over the course of a the next few weeks, and starts working on some of the self care and organizational goals.

In case you are wondering, here is a nice article that talks about ABA services and how they can be helpful to an individual who is autistic and their caregivers (usually family members).

I like being able to go in to work earlier and then having a break before ABA starts. I am getting some summer vacation too.

Careers, Hobbies, and Social Stuff

I have been working with James on the idea of developing a hobby or hobbies, so he can become more independent and directed with his free time, while engaging more with others with similar interests.

Tonight was Career Night at his school, so we went to keep pursuing this goal. It's also a good idea to get James thinking about work and what kind of life he wants to have. He wore a nice polo shirt, clean pants, and his regular shoes. I dressed up a bit.

Well, we got there and made the rounds. I tried to not lead James too much at the tables for social interactions, but his questions tended to sound like:

•  "Do you know about the high school?" (high school teachers and random tables after that) 
• "Why do you like the government?" and "What was the other country you saw?" (for the Marines representative)
• "Yeah" (lady with the cute Tutu table)
• "Do you know where the food is?" (local market representative).

That's okay, we are practicing our social interactions and learning about classes and job opportunities. 

We brought back schwag.

I found out the local market starts hiring at age 16. That's only four years away. Hmmmmm ...

Eating Out

It is getting harder and harder to get James to sit down at a table for a meal. Doesn't matter if it is at home, dining out, plain chair, or padded seat ... He will not sit properly for more than half a minute.

 Enter dinner at a place called The Healdsburger. It used to be an A&W Drive-in, back in my day. So nice they've kept the best of the past while updating for current residents and visiting foodies.

After a rough couple of weeks, I took the kids there for dinner. This is how James waited for our food (one table away).

And this is how he ate it:

We will keep practicing sitting at meals, but it is nice to find a place that allows kids to roam around when dining out.