Dining Out Becomes the Hot Seat

A few weeks back we our temps hit the hundreds, which is pretty danged hot for our area. We do not have a/c in the new place, so James and I supported a local restaurant by doing some early patio dining.

We wore masks until it was time to drink and eat. For most of the meal, we were alone. Then the few other available tables filled. Inevitably, someone brought their dog to dine out with them. Two, this particular evening.

WHY?

So James noticed right away and started getting nervous.

I get both his reactions and the presence of the dog. I grew up with dogs. I've been bitten by a strange German Shepherd dog that came out of nowhere and almost caused me to get rabies shots until the person "watching" the dog came forward. I learned to recover my confidence around dogs. James and countless others like him have not.

Dogs are the new kids. I am pretty sure, however, that there was a "no dogs on the patio" sign at the restaurant.

We were suddenly in the hot seat. I made the call to box up our stuff to go. I get tired of this.

PS: The food was delicious.

ABA, O/T, Meds, and Drink Mixing - How's Your Summer?

James has been triggered by what most people consider every day sounds: dogs barking, vacuums, leaf blowers, hair dryers, edgers, trimmers, young childrens' voices and crying. His behaviours and scripting kept him out of program even before COVID-19 hit this year. Goal: Work on lessening the impact for better social integration.

Practical: We now have our own home instead of being in the apartments at a busy cross street. James has headphones that he can use. I and his support crew are providing more "expected" scriptings he can use to communicate his discomfort and displeasure. We have started meds for anxiety. 

OMG, yes - we have started meds for anxiety! (there is dancing going on, offstage.) ABA, O/T, and his psychiatrist have all ganged up on him with the most positive of support. It's made a huge difference, along with the new meds having a milder taste and smoother emotional ride, so to speak.

Services: 

• ABA has started in person park sessions. They are tough. James brings out his button-pushing, inner toddler worst personae and pairs it with shooting the birds randomly. So, glad not a lot of people loitering about. Kicker? James will wear his mask, more often than not, but then shred his headphones or snack. Gah.

• O/T has started working with James over the video interface. We are working on eating, self-care (hygiene tasks), and relaxation techniques. Big excitement last week: James made a smoothie in a blender. He tasted his creation (the tiniest of tastes, but he did it). And then I got to finish it - it was very good! James tolerated the sound - probably because he got to push buttons and watch the blending speeds change. 

I got so happy, I made blended gin fizzes the following weekend. 

Here's to summer!

Seeing Summer, Together

I am really enjoying traveling the back roads, getting to see the country in summer with James. James is too. Road trips are our quiet time to just be together, getting out of the house and into life, away from getting stuck in our own heads. When I told his O/T about this, he mentioned they were good for James vestibular integration. Best of all, it's not impacted by COVID-19, as we do not get out of the car.

What started it all - going to "see the deer" at Deer Hill South.

We have been dealing with heightened anxiety behaviours at school, in public, and at home for over half a year now. The OCD touching things and incredible time it takes for him to go anywhere (out of his room, down the hall, into the car) have gotten a lot better. We are getting more into a routine of getting him back to doing chores and then doing something he enjoys, like going for a drive.

We make our drives into our own little games. I call it Discovering New Roads. James likes seeing "bonus" animals, such as skunks, possums, and bats for out night drives and quail, white egrets, hawks, cows, and coyotes on our day ones.

My "bonus" sightings are the beautiful countryside and nature:

Summer's Last Heat Wave

Temps rose again recently. We were in the 90s yesterday. After a very overcast morning, the last day of summer finds us at 84 degrees, just before dinner.

I would love to take James swimming at the pool. Alas, James and swimming are no longer the friends they used to be. He used to like splashing in a public pool, jumping off the side into my sarms and letting me tow him around to kick his feet.

Now he is tall enough to walk the pool and never get his head wet. A few times a year I can coax him in, when there's minimal pool activity. Getting him out can take 20 minutes.

I am glad that I signed James up for swim lessons when he was younger. He loves splashing in the local river and I think a balance between wanting to play in the water and having some history that makes him confident (but not too much so) around water is a very good thing.

I just wish he'd enjoy spending some recreational time in the swim pool again.

All Points Between

I am so busy. Trying to work full time. Driving places: Boys and Girls Club, Dr. Appointments, shopping, and so many other inter-related things. Prepping for school in another district. Taking a breath for buying school clothes. Health issues. More health issues. Life and death issues. Cleaning the cat box.

Fireflies image ... from the Smithsonian Magazine

Every time I turn around, something to clean or fix or take care of.

I feel like a whole bunch of quarks (also known as hadrons), filling the gaps of all these thing, trying to keep things from breaking apart. I imagine this looking like fireflies, blinking on and off. If feels like oozy jam.

The last few weeks, Fridays took me by surprise. Already? Fridays never used to take me by surprise.

Taking a few hours to sit with James is restful. Petting the cat. Making a crock pot recipe. Watering the plants. Stealing a day on the river. Picking wild blackberries. This is how I slow down.

Summer Solstice 2018

It's officially summer! It's hard to make plans this year, with all the family health issues and our first serious summer sessions with middle school, high school, and the local JC. I keep having to use my PTO for my family instead of my, more so than usual. Nevertheless, summer is still going to be good. So far we've had:

Our local Raley's is closed for renovation. Goodbye 80s/90s decor ... hello???

Annual Hot Air Balloon Festival! Winds this year prevented launches, but still had fun with friends.

We picnicked on the Town Green, catching up while the teens ran about and had a gleeful spree through the candy store.

Boys and Girls Club again puts on a great series of summer activities. James has signed on for two field trips again.

Another get together with friends by a pool, with California rolling hills in the background, under blue skies.

Visiting local parks and exploring the outdoors. Happy summer, y'all!

Slamming Into Summer

So seventh grade ended up badly. That's all I will say in this post. Suffice to say that come August James will be in a new school and new school district. Meanwhile, I am getting used to Teen James, who is now almost 5' 10" at 13 & 5 months. Still a picky eater, so he is a handsome beanpole. He no longer calls out "Help me! HELP Me!!!!" when I wash his hair, but hygiene is still a struggle. He's learned to do his own laundry at a coin-op facility and is learning to rule the vacuum cleaner. As for myself... after dealing with all the schtuff I don't post about explicitly online for way too many years, I am tired.

Meanwhile, this happens to be THE Best summer school he has had in well over over four years. First the classes are at the high school campus, away from the noise and confusion of the previous location (six years running). Second, the teacher is giving them all life skills: cooking, taking the bus,  filling out a job application, and buying things in the store ... what is not to love? Third, he likes the older kids and the teacher.

I am wrangling summer reading on the side.

Still dealing with way too much spitting and use of tissue and toilet paper. Also clogging toilets when upset about things. Trying to get ABA going. Still working full time. Still dealing with end of life and major health issues in my family. Still calling and writing those nuts in DC about how I feel about our current status for education, healthcare, and immigration. And that damned tax bill.

Thank goodness for good friends, good books, and Marvel movies!

And so it goes.

Golden of Age Summer Ballooning

Last month, James came with me again to the annual balloon festival. It's become our local, early riser, early Summer activity to do together.

This year, crowds were more manageable. Prices were up slightly. No Star Wars balloons, but there was a hand painted map of the Earth, brand new this year.

Pictures, saying 1,000 words:

So Close ....

We are sitting in an air conditioned Starbucks near our house. Yard workers surprised us at said house with weed whackers and loud trimmers and leaf blowers. James quietly lost it. It's not the yells and screams of yore, but a quiet, constant, relentless "Mother, Mother, Mother ... please. Can we go drive on Chalk Hill Road?" ... "Mother, why are they here?" Over and over, shifting restlessly through the house, until I can feel my blood pressure rise and I can't think.

Bad time for that because I am trying to tie up loose ends, keep paying bills on time, and research finding a new home for us.

So ... plans out the window (again) and we are at Starbucks, where it's cool, free wifi is available for our Kindles, and I can try to make a couple calls. Also, there is iced tea, with lime slices.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Don't Panic.

Thank goodness I hit the gym before all this hit me. I did not work out very much, but I did get a very calming 15 minutes of Elsewhere and nice shower.

James is holding up remarkably well, with the divorce and breakup of our family. People coming and going in his life. Starting junior high and spending more time at Boys and Girls Club. He is doing a great job of letting me know what he needs.

Yes, these setbacks are frustrating as all get out. But we are still moving forward. I am proud of how far he's come.

Summer Reading Program 2016

Last week I signed James up for the Summer Reading Program at our wonderful library branch. This will be a good time to just sit together unplugged and read.

Our first two books:

The Big Honey Hunt (the Berenstain Bears - James' choice)

 

Horrible Harry Goes Cuckoo (my choice; I thought James would identify with the challenges of keeping still)

Oh boy!

FFA Twighlight Parade: Let the Summer Start!

Many small towns have sweet traditions. Healdsburg has the Future Farmers' Association Twighlight Parade. James and I took it in. It signals the start to summer up in our area. As Healdsburg has become "discovered" it has become a big draw for the area.

Luckily, I know how to sneak in some side streets and find parking at a fairly close range, even once the parade gets underway. James' sister has been in this parade three times. This year, just James and I watched from the cur, sharing a bag of Doritos and a huge bottle of water.

There are trick riders:

HOBO Bicyclists (my favourites for this year):

Many dogs, a few goats, and an occassional cow on a float ... everyone from the preschools to the vineyards enjoyed this year's Barnyard Beach Party!

New entry for me this year (which might be James' favourite entry): our local airport. Nice waving, Control Tower! Can you bring the REACH helicopters next year?

Eating Out

It is getting harder and harder to get James to sit down at a table for a meal. Doesn't matter if it is at home, dining out, plain chair, or padded seat ... He will not sit properly for more than half a minute.

 Enter dinner at a place called The Healdsburger. It used to be an A&W Drive-in, back in my day. So nice they've kept the best of the past while updating for current residents and visiting foodies.

After a rough couple of weeks, I took the kids there for dinner. This is how James waited for our food (one table away).

And this is how he ate it:

We will keep practicing sitting at meals, but it is nice to find a place that allows kids to roam around when dining out.