Independent Living Skills: The Schedule

 Fall is a good regrouping time for many special needs families - the start of another school year, support services are done with summer and vacation schedules. Goals are one everyone's mind.

With ABA legacy, current school Transitional IEP, and new Behavioral Respite teams on board, it's time to surround James with opportunities and support for honing and growing his independent living skills.

Yesterday, the focus was on washing his own dishes. We have a bottle brush and gloves that help him with that. Today it's removing trash from his room and bathroom. I am still doing the heavy lifting for both activities, but we are building James'' skills. The practice, with reinforcement at school and during respite, will help.

ABA had lovely schedules at first. What ends up working best now? a brief list of Chores and Rewards (incentives). 

I am inspired to get us on a whole house chore chart for daily and weekly chores, especially with 2 more cats and storage boxes in the house. Pinterest and Google are most obliging with ingenious designs.  

Chores were verbally assigned and understood in my home, growing up. Both James and I can benefit from a visual organization. 

Editing My New Home ... Finally!

Over the past decade I have gone to trying to manage a household of stuff for 2 kids, 2 cats, and a set of parents in a 4br/2ba home with yards and a garage ... to compressing down to a 2br/2ba mobile home (with a yard!) for James, myself, and 2 cats. 

There were many, many crazy hiccups and hitches over the past six years, so this was so not a smooth transition. I am very lucky to have had the help of so many family members and friends ... but I don't let go of things well in the best of times and for many years it's felt like the stuff was the best of my years as a mom. Result: I held on to way too many things, slung into bags and schlepped too many places.

The move into our current home was literally pre-empted by a historically large and long evacuation of most of Sonoma County to fight the Kincade Fire: First our apartment was given notice, then my mom and daughter received notice, finally, at 10 PM, we got the evac notice at our new place. We were gone for a week. 

I am so lucky I was able to get the movers to squeeze us back into their schedule. However, rain was eminent, so for several months, James and I lived in an indoor box canyon. Then COVID-19 hit and school and work not only shut down, but resulted in more bags of stuff being brought in and dropped in nooks and crannies and new set-ups needed for remote learning and working from home. 

Luckily, I had an idea of how I wanted to set up the bedrooms and the main kitchen/dining/living room area and my years in a live/work loft resulted in good lessons in setting up living areas in one large space. I have sporadically been able to engage in a cleaning/organizing frenzy, then spend weeks at a time recuperating and trying out the solutions. I got the dishes and spices dealt with first. Then the cabinets over the washer dryer and the linen closet. Utility closet was next, followed by the pantry. 

Today, I finally cleaned out on top, under, and around the kitchen table, aka ABA central. I got inspired by watching "The Home Edit". I am so happy to get rid of the school podium and to replace it with simple shelves from Amazon. Along the way, I re-organized the cabinets over the laundry area, James' games/videos under the TV, the room divider bookcase, the bench hidden by the table, and the bookcase and lamps that were not being used behind the table. Pausing after 4 hours - phew!

The disaster area that is supposed to be my work area now has more bags of stuff to sort. BUT: 2 bags and a box are leaving the house, the floor has really been swept, the runner rug is down, and most importantly, James had a huge smile on his face when he saw the results.

Magic Marker Monday: The $1 Family Calendar

I used to love buying calendars. For years I'd enjoy my 12 months of Kliban Cats, Impressionists, and romantic illustrations. I think it's safe to say I was a sucker for a good calendar.

Then I my job and life took off in many directions and I started buying the giant kitchen wall calendars.

I added a calendar white board when I started working from a home office.

Now that I need to focus on family and keep a tight grip on household expenses, I have discovered the joys of the $1 Family Calendar!

I buy a $1 pad of paper from the Dollar Store, round up all the stray markers, crayons, and pencils from the kids, and spend an hour or two on the kitchen floor, inking in months, days, and numbers. I used to need a ruler, but now I just trace over old moths and go for it! The kids help by adding their own drawings  and sometimes the days of the week and numbers for the month for a unique family calendar we all can use.

Ooops! Did Mommy mis-abbreviate Thursday?
Kiddo #1 to the rescue!

I get to use the wall mount from the $20 kitchen calendars. Using small binder clips, I attach this year's calendar pad to an old $1 blotter/calendar from Target. Using produce ties and a plastic hook with a sticky back, I am able to hook the calendar onto the wall mount.

January is all fireworky and snowy!

Don't forget your marshmallow on a stick and your s'mores!

$1 Target blotter back, with adhesive hook.

Original $20 wall calendar mount and produce ties.

It may not look suave, but it works and the price is right. Plus, it becomes a family activity, which helps teach the kids about the months, numbers, and seasons. Oh yes, and it helps me keep track of our lives, when I remember to look.


For more great masterpieces or to share some of your own, visit
5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.


                            

Tackle It Tuesday: Juggling

I've been not posting these last few days because, well, more stuff fell onto my plate. My Dad's been in a hospital and is now a nursing facility. He'll be there through Thanksgiving, one of the holidays that my folks love to host. This is tough on us all, even though it's temporary. The kids are both off school for the entire week. James is at lose ends, and usually found draped over me. Unless I want him in a certain place, at which time he runs laughing in the other direction. Of course.

With my immediate family, I am juggling schedules for kids, play dates, holidays, extra errand running, and visiting hours. Hey, I even helped troubleshoot fixing an iPhone over my Droid phone (I see some of you shuddering). Yikes. We are doing pretty well, but some things just don't get done as promptly as they used to.

The kitchen calendar and my spiral weekly/monthly planner for the year are getting workouts. I am using up the texting portion of my phone plan. We are using child care at the gym.

This morning we are getting the final ingredients for making some Thanksgiving side dishes to share. Then we are visiting my Dad. The kids really seem to cheer him up. James does well, except for when he loudly announces he wants to go home or bowling. If one of the patients is in pain and crying, that will set him off too.

Ah well. Learning, growing, managing. How are your holiday preparations coming along?

Tackling loves company!

Check out some other challenges this week
and pick up or share some tips at
5 Minute for Moms' Thankful week
in a series of Tackle It Tuesdays.

Magic Marker Monday: Signs

To defend ourselves from the horror that is Unstructured Time and whiny, messy melt-downs (child and parental alike), our household  has turned to schedules and has visual cues. We are by no means uber-organized, but our charts, calendars, and picture schedulers sure do help our lives.

 

  

I've also enjoyed hanging up the kids art projects and schedulers on the walls of the kitchen and family room.  They've started to merge and become a new form of visual self-expression. Our family is turning structure and signs into a kind of performance art:

This appeared in James' door one day. Way high up,
where only a parent can read it (or a sister can reach).

Honey,  I will treasure this one forever.
And knook respectfully as I smile on the inside.

That pop out at one in unexpected places:

Found on corner of the main hallway.

Discovered one morning on the outside our bedroom door.

We will never be bored - yes!

To find more expressive pieces, or to share some of your own,
visit 5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.

                   
 

Tackle It Tuesday: Work Area

This school year, both kids are ramping up in academics (grades 1 & 3). The breakfast table wasn't going to cut it anymore for homework. Only James' sister has a desk in her room, and it's rather snowed under by Squinkies, at present.

Over the summer, I knew some changes were in order. The kids needed a homework center. That meant the toy shelf needed to go. That make me weepy, because that's been our fun center for many years. It's lasted longer because James is a bit behind the developmental curve with toys and we keep inheriting cool new things (like the Disney Potato Head family and a very cool box full of characters from Monsters Inc, as well as the interactive Scare Floor).

Work Area Before:

However, it's been a worthwhile project. Over the summer, I found a used desk for $10 at the Salvation Army. The toy bookcase got moved in September, after we'd started settling into the new school year.

The new work area got set up recently. The kids are very excited to use the Homework Desk. Their calendars that they make in school get posted to the wall. Each of them has a folder for their homework and school notices. The lamp was on sale at WalMart (bulb included) for $9. A folding chair from the dump (about $1) with a pillow makes a great seat.

Markers, crayons, and paper moved out of the kitchen cabinets and into some desk drawers:

Lolli at 5 Minutes for Mom had the same challenge for her Tackle It Tuesday. What challenged you lately? Do you have an idea to share from your own homework center? Hop on over to share and view creativity on Tackle It Tuesday.

Magic Marker Monday: Calendars

Our home budget is constantly shrinking these days. We've let go of "live" TV, shop thrift stores, and have garage & lemonade sales. So when I went to look for the current year for our big kitchen calendar, the $15 price tag was too much. Time to get creative!

I bought a big pad of newsprint at the Dollar Store and used a ruler and pencil to evenly mark columns and rows for each month. Then I used the $1 set of 10 Crayola markers from the back-to-school Target sales to outline the grid and create custom monthly pages.

 
I checked the correct days of the month (and holidays) against an online calendar and the kids' school calendars. I used whatever ideas came into my head and asked the kids for theirs when I got stuck. I took a few half-hour sessions all spread out on the kitchen floor to make the whole year. The kids were fascinated. We ended up with a nice big calendar for the kitchen that cost $2 in materials.

Even better, both the kids now make monthly calendars in school. It's a great way for my 6 year-old to practice his numbers and my almost 9 year-old to practice her writing. I hang theirs up near the Homework Desk:

 

Best of all:

For more great masterpieces or to share some of your own, visit
5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.
     
  

Tackling the Chores, or: Life Lesson, Part XVIX

I don't know how it is for others, but I find that life moves in waves. Things can be going along okay and then, I get swamped. Someone gets sick, we go on vacation, stuff happens. The rhythms get disrupted and things build up. For several years, I've been building a backlog of cleaning, chores, and projects that will take several child-free years to work through (hahaha, I still am talking about it being possible to finish ... but I digress). So I've realigned expectations and try to go more with the flow, living life right now and not stressing too much about doing it perfectly or just right. Or like Everyone Else.

I also get periods where I feel overwhelmed and isolated. Stuck in a rut. I hate that. Life is not fun and the kids know that Cranky Mom is in the house. I've been working with a parenting counselor to learn some managing strategies. One thing that has really helped is talking things through with a supportive person outside our routines. I've remembered lessons I learned in college, when I had to juggle classes, extra-curricular activities, and several part-time jobs.

I remember that I can get a lot accomplished if I focus on routines, and a few, basic tasks. I remember that routines can be set to a fixed amount of time, so that I don't get too carried away. I remember the power of 20-minute naps or rest sessions.

Other things, such as Positive parenting & partner support are discussed in the ongoing counseling sessions. They are also helpful and are long-term works in progress.

Meanwhile, the kids and I have come up with some set chores they do to help keep the house clean each day, as well as take on some responsibilities for preparing for school. Having them help with bussing their meal plates, organizing their backpacks, and doing a daily pick-up around the house are already helping so much.

I started with having the kids decorate old diaper boxes. At the end of every day they do the rounds of the house, popping their socks, toys, and miscellanea into them. Then the boxes go to their rooms, and I help them put things away. If a place cannot be found for them after several days, into the garage it goes, where it will be sold or donated. After a couple weeks of this, they are now picking up without the boxes or having to refer to the charts.

 

I remember that I used to set up or break down an entire cafeteria in 20 minutes in college. Yes, I was part of a team, but our kitchen is a lot smaller than the cafeteria. So I tell myself it will take me 20 minutes -- tops -- to clear the table, take care of the dishes, and prep lunches for the next day. I do it in the lag time between bedtimes. I think the noise I make is like a lullaby to James, because he drops off quickly on the nights I actually do this.

My future goal is to plan a menu for the week. Scary! I am working up to it by having one or two meals planned a week to cook (quiche, spaghetti, casserole, etc.). I know the theory behind it, but I am hanging on to the illusion of culinary spontaneity as type of freedom in my life.

Now I find that I am excited to tackle occasional projects. Last week it was washing curtains and cleaning windows in the family room. This week, it was cleaning the hall bathroom. I had to take a picture of that last one.

Ooooohhhhh .... aahhhhhhhh .... yay, Team!

Packing Lists ... the Shorter Version Rules!

Even though it means more travel time, I prefer to drive down to the LA area from the Bay Area. Honestly, I do not think James could wait successfully in the security lines, and all the noise and people would freak him out. I am sure that just as we made it to the head of the screening line, he'd bolt. Yeah,   I so don't ever want to test that paranoid fantasy ...

Also, I have more freedom to PACK. Airline weight restrictions aside, many items we used to entertain the kids (or keep them fed & clean) involved Prohibited items (milk, water, nail clippers, scissors, food). Besides, by the time we got to the airport, parked the van, took the shuttle to the terminal, got through security, and checked in, and flew into a SoCal airport (assuming the plane was not delayed a couple of hours or oversold) we'd be in Bakersfield or further south. Trumping everything else is the fact that James cannot stand random up & down motions and has extremely sensitive ears.

But back to the packing list. Clothes are the easy part. Food is pretty easy because our kids are picky eaters. I usually do the weekly shopping at Trader Joe's and shlep it with us and we're good for most meals. Equipment is my Waterloo. It's getting much better. I used to pack 2 bags per child for special toys/comfort items. Of course they were items used daily, so it had to be done at the last minute, while taking care of home chores for the week or so we'd be gone. Recipe for stress and cortisone overload: Bing!

Here's a sample of what we packed this time:
@ Daughter: conditioner, brush, sparkle hair spray, nail polish, tooth brush, paste, flossers, mouth wash, Chapstick/lip gloss, plug-in nite lite

@ Son: pull ups, Balmex (hands-down my fav to deal with any kind of rash), powder, wet wipes, tooth brush, nail clipper, tooth brush, paste, floss

We had some extras in there because we had tickets for Trick-or-Treating at Disneyland. When in Rome ... eh? The exciting part was that everything fit in 1 bag per child. If not for the costumes, it would have been 1 bag for both kids ...

Here's the bog difference for me, when considering logistics for the trip:
-------- ephemera ----------
• 2 books
• 1 sketch pad
• MagnaDoodle
• phone
• camera & download cable
• chargers for phone and camera
• scissors
• sewing kit
• old crib mattress & sheet
• picnic blanket
• double stroller

The first 8 items fit in one reuseable bag. The next 2 items we use for bunking James in hotels. This is because he rolls off the side of a bed easily, and once he whacked his head. We find a nice corner for him, put down the picnic blanket and then set him up with the crib mattress and his blankies, which he travels with. Sometimes we even use the picnic blanket if we're also stopping at the beach. It's heavy-duty, and lined with this vinyl on the underside. Strange as it seems, I still find use for the double stroller. It's like having a nanny with strong arms while spending 15 hour days at an amusement resort. James still likes to buckle himself in -- it seems to make him feel secure.

This is what we did not bring: box(es) of diapers, special feeding cups and plates, toys that run on batteries and make lots of noise when buttons are pushed, white noise machine, ice, beads on a wire, porta potty chair, booster seat, books that make noise when you push buttons, spinning toys, toy phones, stacking toys, teething toys, portacrib, excessive stuffed animals, or extra "lovey" pillows.

Vacation just got better!

Monday Evening: Epilogue

I've spent a good six hours today on cleaning & organizing James' room. Outside, it's still pretty much pouring down rain constantly, same as yesterday ...

Had a Jonas afternoon (see Anne Shirley) -- 2 respite care workers showed due to agency miscommunication. James howled and would not be consoled for almost half an hour (and he is a 2 minutes and done kind of guy). In the middle of trying to sort out the workers and calm James, the phone rang -- the MIND Institute was calling for some follow-up questions. I did answer them and put in our names for the next phase, which has just been funded.

Sorted out the respite care (for now) and finally was able to go back to James' room. I haven't spent time organizing and deep cleaning it since he moved to a big boy bed, 2 years ago. Ow. Lots to do. Once I got started, it was hard to stop. I ended up moving out 3 boxes of baby & outgrown things (sniffling all the way), tossing a big bag of trash, bagging up some outgrown things for his old preschool (lord knows we've used plenty of school things in our time), and moved around his furniture so that he now has a play area and can reach and put back his toys. He seemed fascinated.

Added bonus: he pooped in the toilet for me!!!!!

I do wish my headache would go away, though. Meanwhile, James is off to bed in his newly clean and organized room (clean sheets and all). Off to have some quality time with my daughter as I put her to bed. We already made up some new stories for Danger Mouse and Roger Rabbit. They involved lots of high-jinx and mayhem. I love happy endings!