Point Break

We are taking a break from ABA today. Last night, both James and I were in tears part way through the session. We eventually calmed down and had a good evening, morning and day. It's so frustrating that services that are needed, with such nice people are too much right now.

Some takeaways:

• James is overwhelmed with verbal interactions. It's pretty quiet at home and he's always had an aide to interpret for him at school and me at home.
• Because he's stressed (hypervigilant was a recurring term last night), James is not eating, which makes everything worse.
• I think James also feels like his safe space is being invaded. The ABA folks and I have a Plan for that.
• James really likes going for car rides. I think it's a great way to literally reset one's head.

In Which Little Things Confound

So ... James has been eating less again. During a recent late afternoon treat out for frozen yogurt, he came across ... something in his frozen yogurt. I still don't know what it was, but he is now deeply distrustful of food.

Which makes him cranky, and prone to hanger.

Over the last two days, there have been episodes of throwing food over a fence, eloping, and a whopping loss of control.

James is trying, but school is again hard for him. We have also started ABA services the other three afternoons of the school week, so that is more stress.

I feel discouraged. How I wish we had had some of this help earlier. How I so wish I knew what to do.

Tonight, I just sat down in the hallway to listen to James. After a bit, he sat down too, by me. He kept talking, about past aides who made him mad. About how he doesn't mean to say bad words. How his brain was running around. He still said he was not hungry.

After an hour, I had to get to bed. I told him it was time for bed and that I loved him. I got him into his room. How in the heck is it so hard to get a tall, growing teen boy to eat? I hope we both feel better tomorrow.

New School: Week Two

James started off the week spending the day doing processing exercises with Staff about the field trip incidents the Friday previous. A while day of story boarding what happened, how he was feeling, how it made others feel, and plans for how things could go better next time.

Storyboard from Wikipedia and  The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd 

Congratulations, he was told. After all your hard work, you've earned coming back to class - well done!

I want to say this has been a game changer.

Since then, James has dealt pretty well with ABA, trying to synch up with the school bus in the middle of our apartment parking lot being unavailable due to a noisy repaving project (which is where the bus is supposed to pick him up), and his teacher being out unexpectedly for much of the week. There have been behaviours, but they are smaller. A blowup about finding something unexpected in his frozen yogurt at home was brought under control by James himself within a very reasonable amount of time.

Field trips other that the group walks to the Farmers' Market are out for him for the summer, but he seems to be coping well with that. 

Yes, we are still talking about aides and principals who were involved with the most challenging school situations. But James also asked to visit some of his favourite counselors at the local Boys and Girls Club. We dropped by twice last week to say hello, and he was told he is welcome to come visit or some day returns over the summer. Yesterday he asked to visit the library for the first time in forever, and he asked about checking out a book (Matilda). This is a nice change!

One Giant Victory, Whole Lotta Meltdown

Ever since Winter Break of James' seventh grade, his school situation has gone from okay to bad, to awful to bring in a lawyer. I have been fighting and advocating extra hard for him for over a year. To have him do actual school work, instead of colouring book pages (no lie). For his teacher to show up to class so the aides did not have to try and make lesson plans. Actual speech therapy instead of lip service lessons. For his new aide to be an aide, instead of a babysitter. Inclusion in school field trips and back to school night (complete FAIL on that last one and the teacher showing up, BTW).

The new school district found the "best" school failing to comply with his IEP - no consistent aide for him at the new campus, no quiet places ... basically no accommodations at all for his 8th grade year. The principal zeroed in on him around and demanded in the first IEP meeting to have my son declared vicious and a danger to others. And that was with my lawyer sitting right there. To use current jargon, we couldn't even. All this while I was also dealing with the death of one close family member and another battling surprise stage 4 cancer, which not only impacted myself, but both my kids.

For James, I have been on a Mission to get him into a better school. The lawyer and I found one. It's a private school. After a saga of I Can't Even, the district offered placement there. Yowza!

Five programs. two school districts, and a private school later, James has finally landed in a program that is nurturing, supportive, and bursting with resources to help him be successful.

He lasted approximately 1.5 days of summer program before launching into testing behaviours. Throw in ABA services after dinner and starting at the same time as summer school, a week into recovery from two tooth extractions under sedation, and a being caught in a frigging ROCK FIGHT at our apartment complex ... and James wound up the week with Incidents on a school field trip: eloping into a road, trying to climb onto train tracks (miniature, and the train was not running), and hiding in the bathroom, not making good language choices.

Thanks, Autism Dad! 

These are the times I can't even cry. I just want to beat my head against the wall and repeat "no-no-no-no!!!" Until I can't think anymore. But I can't, because I have to finish work. Then be calm as I pick James up and talk with his teacher and deal with the meltdown stimming. All weekend long.

Laundry time exploded into swearing, plastic water bottle vengeance crushing, yelling sessions in the closet, screaming in the bathroom (with the fan on, like I would not notice), and, four hours later, clean laundry and many "sorry-sorry-sorry Mother"s.

But there were also fun trips to the Farmer's Market, seeing James enjoy spending his allowance at the Dollar Store, seeing people I don't know at the apartment complex smile at James and greet him with "Hi, James!" The good people who are always there somewhere in the public school arena. The calmness and positive attitudes at the new school. The lovely drive together to go look at the deer (fauns!) and vineyards.

And this week? Better. And so it goes.

Dental, the OR Way

So, oral hygiene and James do not get along. I am not good at getting him on track, because, well, life. Divorce, move, evacuation, deaths in the family, topped with a Really Horrible 18 months of school equals a LOT of dental work, including a back molar that James attacked after being hounded at his new school by one of its top administrators.

I know the drill by now. Talk about impending procedure with James, but not too much. Hide nothing. Remain calm. Be positive and encouraging. Don't think about the aftermath. Lalalalalalalala.

This morning I was up at 4:30. We were on the road about 5:30 and watched the sun rise over the wine country and big city commute traffic back up in the other direction. Checked in at 7:00 and got banded. Called back to pre-op about 8:10.

There we did the change to gown and four sets of review of Med History, surgery goals, and anesthesia plans while he was taped up for O2 saturation and heart monitoring. This staff is good. James downed two oral meds and opted to have the IV inserted while he was awake. It could not have gone more smoothly.

I walked him down to surgery. He was scrolling on the nurse's phone to find a YouTube video to listen to as they wheeled him into the OR room. That was at 10:10. It's 11:40. I have had breakfast, answered emails, and am settling down to wait. I figure I have another 45 minutes to go. I'll keep watching the OR board and think positive.

And: I have registration paperwork to fill out. A better school for James is coming. So thankful for that!

New Food: Sweet Cinnamon Mini Crescent Rolls

Like many teens, James likes donuts (glazed, occasional treats) and cinnamon rolls (Starbucks, when on vacation and special weekend treats) for breakfast.

Unfortunately, he is growing fast and will only eat some of the foods some of the time, and those babies are sugar overloads and empty carbs galore. So I look for a happy medium to balance coaxing him to expand his list of foods he will eat and getting in as much of a healthy diet as possible.

Solution: Trader Joe's refrigerated pop and bake mini crescent rolls. Plussed. I add a little butter and small sprinkling of a cinnamon & sugar mixture before rolling the triangles and baking.

Voila! Better for him and fresh from the oven. First time he refused. Second time he tried some and took some to school. This morning, I had to work fast to snag a couple before he wolfed them down.

I will need to get some more. Luckily, a can of 8 mini crescents costs less than one morning bun or cinnamon roll from Starbucks. Oh, and they're Vegan too.

Unique Peek At Language Skills

James scripts. Sometimes it's a conversation that incorporates YouTube videos and memories from 6 years back. His inner dialogue can come right out his mouth for multiple people - kind of like my brother and I each re-enacting entire Monty Python skits at the breakfast table, but much more mysterious and Dada-esque.

And lately, James has started mixing Spanish into his scripting. Appropriate use of words too.

It started when he was walking from the car to the apartment, and someone let their dog run around the property behind our parking space. It made James very nervous, to hear it racing around, barking. I heard about the darned perro running around afuera.

He will also try and drop numbers in Spanish into a conversation. He is fascinated with the teen numbers. Even though he asks me every time, he knows the proper name for the proper number.

Every now and then I will drop a few phrases in French. He likes to practice Bon Jour and Mercie.

I love this guy.