ESY Wrap

The Extended School Year (ESY), or summer school, as we old-timers knew it, finished up last Friday. It was supposed to be a fun carnival day. Supposed to be. Not so much for James. I am guessing the noise made him ... well, cranky.

For myself, I was looking forward to an unexpected day off from work by taking care of some household chores, going to the gym, and visiting a local winery. You know, like a grown up in the wine country during the summer. I headed off some stress by taking James to school. I could tell it was probably not going to be the best day but crossed my fingers, like most autism parents do.

I nailed the chores (putting laundry away, cleaning bathrooms and the kitchen in blissful solitude) and got in my swimming workout. I hesitated about going back home for lunch but kept to my daydream of visiting a local winery.

So I headed north on a beautiful day. Preston Farm and Winery did not disappoint. I sat down at a little cafe table under the trees, closed my eyes, and listed to the wind whisper the leaves of the overhead trees and the visiting families. And breathed. And relaxed. The garden was glorious.

I took a windy little country road back, windows rolled down (which I cannot do with James in the car) and... happy. Completely, in-the-moment happy.

Which is good, because as I pulled into the parking lot of my complex, the phone rang. The school was so sorry to bother me, but James had eloped into the nearby performance venue's upper bathrooms and was not coming out. Might I be available to pick him up early. "I'm on my way," I replied, turning the car back out to the road. I know this drill. At least I had a great morning.

"One moment," I was told. Hold music ensued for a couple of minutes. I kept driving. Thank goodness we live close by, I was thinking.

Then something different happened. The office had checked with James' teacher, and they thought they could get him back to the classroom by themselves. They actually preferred to try that. I asked if I could just come early and wait in the office. Sure thing, they replied.

When I arrived, everyone was calm. I got to talking with another mom, who asked me some friendly, relaxed getting to know you questions. She assured me that all the parents have their stories of how they struggled to get their kids into this new school. She shared how this was the best place for her child and that "everyone here will tell you the same thing." As she headed out to pick up her son, she waved and said she was looking forward to getting to know each other next year.

I cannot remember the last time something like this happened. It felt really good, after I got over being a little stunned.

James was in a testing mood: paper stuck in his mouth, rambling all over the office, and walking outside the office and looking in the window at me right after I asked him to stay in the office so I could chat with his teacher. His teacher still radiated positive energy and described the elopement and how they got him back (by letting him spot them, turning and walking slowly away. Stopping, repeating, until he was back in the classroom).

She said overall she could tell the day was hard and she appreciated him trying to participate before eloping. She said she was looking forward to having him in her class next year and hoped we'd have a good summer. She did an amazing job of letting me know what happened while making me feel it was just part of a regular day. I feel like she really understood - the behaviours, and most importantly, James. It was such a different experience from public school. Even when they people were nice, I left with James feeling tense, like we were constantly being caught out wrong.

"Did you get the invite?" she asked. No? Evidently, one of James' new classmates had parents who were throwing a pool party to celebrate summer. The teacher emailed me the invite. James was invited to a party by a classmate. The closest we'd ever experienced was when his second grade teacher had her end of the year party for everyone in her backyard.

This new school is feeling pretty damned good already. Feeling really grateful. And a part of something good.

In Which Little Things Confound

So ... James has been eating less again. During a recent late afternoon treat out for frozen yogurt, he came across ... something in his frozen yogurt. I still don't know what it was, but he is now deeply distrustful of food.

Which makes him cranky, and prone to hanger.

Over the last two days, there have been episodes of throwing food over a fence, eloping, and a whopping loss of control.

James is trying, but school is again hard for him. We have also started ABA services the other three afternoons of the school week, so that is more stress.

I feel discouraged. How I wish we had had some of this help earlier. How I so wish I knew what to do.

Tonight, I just sat down in the hallway to listen to James. After a bit, he sat down too, by me. He kept talking, about past aides who made him mad. About how he doesn't mean to say bad words. How his brain was running around. He still said he was not hungry.

After an hour, I had to get to bed. I told him it was time for bed and that I loved him. I got him into his room. How in the heck is it so hard to get a tall, growing teen boy to eat? I hope we both feel better tomorrow.

New School: Week Two

James started off the week spending the day doing processing exercises with Staff about the field trip incidents the Friday previous. A while day of story boarding what happened, how he was feeling, how it made others feel, and plans for how things could go better next time.

Storyboard from Wikipedia and  The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd 

Congratulations, he was told. After all your hard work, you've earned coming back to class - well done!

I want to say this has been a game changer.

Since then, James has dealt pretty well with ABA, trying to synch up with the school bus in the middle of our apartment parking lot being unavailable due to a noisy repaving project (which is where the bus is supposed to pick him up), and his teacher being out unexpectedly for much of the week. There have been behaviours, but they are smaller. A blowup about finding something unexpected in his frozen yogurt at home was brought under control by James himself within a very reasonable amount of time.

Field trips other that the group walks to the Farmers' Market are out for him for the summer, but he seems to be coping well with that. 

Yes, we are still talking about aides and principals who were involved with the most challenging school situations. But James also asked to visit some of his favourite counselors at the local Boys and Girls Club. We dropped by twice last week to say hello, and he was told he is welcome to come visit or some day returns over the summer. Yesterday he asked to visit the library for the first time in forever, and he asked about checking out a book (Matilda). This is a nice change!