I read another mother's story about breaking points. Normally I try to not post too much about hard, dark, times that test my ability to cope and be resilient. But today, on reading this article, I am moved to post in solidarity.
Four years ago, I hit a point where I finally, completely understood how some parents can throw themselves and their children off a bridge, because they can take no more and cannot see a way out. I am not going into details, but it was awful. It looked like things were going from awful to worse with no relief in sight.
I am stubborn. While I never made plans to end it, I understood that pain completely, deeply, and for months on end. It's easy to criticize my weight gain, perpetual tardiness, and mental fatigue. I have been in the trenches with autism for at least 15 years - largely as a single parent and sole wage earner. It's a constant fight against isolation, lack of finances, pursuit of services, too much damned paperwork, and being on alert 24/7.
Things are much better now, but I've had to work damned hard for it. James is worth it. I am worth it.
If you're reading this post because you're curious about autism, this bleakness happens. It can come and go. It can overwhelm. If you know a caregiver, please reach out. Please be kind. It means the world.
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