Daydreaming of Better Behaviour

I was reading an article about how different (and better) things could be with moms running the country than our current congress. It had me nodding in agreement because many times, while raising our kids and trying to instill honesty, responsibility, and compassion in the children I am caring for ... there's a bitterness in the back of my mind that comes from knowing that many of the people elected to represent their fellow Americans largely chuck all that out the window, preferring instead to bicker, grandstand, and name call.

Many are the times I read an article describing to me incredibly irresponsible, dishonest, and uncaring behaviours by those who, I am sure, were raised to behave better, and find my hand itching for my phone, so I can call their mothers. Part of me would dearly love to say "Did you know what your son/daughter is doing?" Now, I know that parents are no longer legally responsible for the actions of their adult children. That there are some who get a good upbringing, and chose to follow other paths.

This is an overly simplistic  mom dream of vigilante parenting gone back to my roots. Indulge me.

• I would love to be able to Pink Slip members of Congress. Capitol Hill would be swamped in a pink snow storm about now.
     
• There would be several new Time Out rooms, and they would consist of white walls, a hard chair, and one light bulb. Maybe a desk, where they could write their notes of apology.
     
• There would be lots of community service assignments to womens' shelters and rape crisis centers, with lengthy essays turned in afterward. Any spelling or grammar errors would results in corrections being written 50 times each on college ruled binder paper.
     
• Insults to the president would trigger mandatory lavatory cleaning at a large public transit agency.
     
• Not doing their jobs? No salary for that week.
     
• Did well at something? I'll put it (or a photo of it) on my fridge and brag to all.
     
• Did you steal or misuse money that was not yours to spend? Pay it all back, and you are so grounded for the amount of time that corresponds to the level of crime. Say hello to the Time Out room, because you will be writing a lot of letters of apology. Also, you are Habitat for Humanity's new poster child for volunteer worker.
     
• Shunning and Shaming would be new departments that have control over campaign and election funds. This is an overboard daydream, remember.
     

Oh, I could go on. But that's more for a Moms' (or Parents') Happy Hour. Meanwhile I am doing my best to show the next generations that getting along, problem solving, and being responsible/accountable are the indeed the "grown up" way to be.

Magic Marker Monday: Social Cookie Time

The holidays came and swamped me. The usual suspects aided and abetted the madness: holiday events, head colds, family birthdays close to major holidays, and attempts to simultaneously clean house / wrap and mail presents / send Christmas cards / and have appropriate thank yous for teachers. This year brought a few extras: IEP and special services fail hell, serious other family illnesses, jet lag from epic used car buying trip, and further reductions in household budget.

Lots of good things happened too, but I was more than ready for a change of pace and a chance to lie low after Christmas and New Year's. The kids, however, were wound up and still excited. James in particular was excited over Christmas, presents, and his sister's birthday. He's actually helping me plan his party for later this month, and he wanted play dates every day. Well, I found a dandy compromise between my desire to curl up with a book/computer under a blanket, listening to my music, and his to DO something and see his friends.

We made cookies and brought them to our family, friends, and neighbours. As always, we were greatly helped out by our dear friend, Trader Joe:

Source: instagram.com via Club Trader on Pinterest

We made a whole box for Christmas dinner with the family, and cleverly brought them in a cute decorative holiday house:

We skipped the sugar frosting, which was runny and messy. Instead, we put sprinkles and cake decoration toppings on some of the unbaked dough. We all agreed the results were simple and delicious. We bagged up many more batches of cookies for taking to our neighbours, and we dropped some more off with our friends.

So not only did James get the entertainment of helping mix up, decorate, and bake something fun, he also chose cookies to give to his friends and we had a good excuse to stop by James' friends' houses and say "Hi" during the vacation. No planning, no commitments, no pressure. At one house, we even enjoyed an impromptu play date. Best of all, James got to experience making something and giving to others, from mid-December through early January. Which is why I think I'll always be calling these Social Cookies in my head for years to come.


I see over at Michelle's that great minds think alike ;-) For more great masterpieces or to share some of your own, visit 5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.


                                                        
  

Another "I Don't Get It" Moment

Background: James' big sister had her 10th birthday party yesterday here at our house. This alone is worth a future blog post.

James was utterly delighted. He loves company and kids, and he's gotten to know these particular friends, and they him. It was a very comfortable, relaxed event for all. James wanted to stay with the rest of the kids, watching and reveling in all the action. We kept checking in and everyone seemed fine with this, so we just let them all be.

There were visits to the new birthday kitten (now a stately 4 months old). Several spirited (and loud) games of Super Monkey Ball on the very cool in-home entertainment system their dad rigged for them up out of thrift store (and dump) finds (which could be it's own cool blog right there). Pizza was served during a movie -- Brave, by request of the birthday girl.

About half way through the movie, James started coming up to me, saying "Oh Mommy, I'm so glad you're back!" before hugging me for longer than usual. Took me a bit to connect Queen Eleanor being turned into a bear and me.

You see, about two weeks back, I flew out to New Mexico to pick up and drive back a used car to replace our totaled van. This took about three days -- the first time James has had to do without me since, well that one night his grandmother stayed with both kids so my husband and I could spend a night at a local B&B. That was back in 2007, I think.

Now, during these three days, James was fine. No anxiety, repetitive questions about where I was or when I'd be back and his sleeping at night was fine. I don't know why James connected the dots as he did between my trip and the story of Brave. I do know it is nice to be back home, and that despite James being fine, I was missed.

Special Exposure / Wordless Weds: Being Happy

Don't worry, be happy now ...

That's the song I hear in my head, looking at these pics. It's good to remember when I start worrying too much.


For more images from the heart and to share some of yours,
visit Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.






               and ... Wordless Wednesday

A New Year's Tradition

We live within an hour of the Pacific ocean and trips to the coast and its beaches are happy events. Making a special New Year's pilgrimage to the Pacific has made for some of the most enjoyable of memories for our  family. In recent years, we haven't been able to make it every year, for various reasons.

Last year I made the trip alone with the kids to with visit friends. This year we celebrated having a car that could make the trip to the coast without needing breaks to recharge it. We investigated a new beach, where the pounding, towering surf made me incredibly nervous for the kids, even as it's raw beauty wowed me. So after lunch and a whole lotta ooohing and ahhhing we piled back in the car and made for our favourite local family cove.

Doran Beach was hopping. I had to wait for 3 people to leave before I found a parking spot. Once we hit the sands, the kids flew to the waterline, where much milder waves crashed and splashed ashore. Our daughter made fast friends with another girl, her shovel (a full-sized garden specimen), and bucket. They spent almost an hour digging a pit and building a sand sofa in it. I adore my girl.

James became one with the surf and sand. It was interesting to watch him walk, his feet and toes as sensitive and fingers and hands, while he held up his actual hand and fingers like sign posts and kept them immobile.

James had a blast, interfacing with the beach by using his feet:

We agreed that this was an excellent start to a New Year. I love that we keep using our Regional Parks pass and membership. What would we do without the ocean?

Words We Live By

"It is imperfection — not perfection — that is the end result of the program written into that formidably complex engine that is the human brain ..."

I read these words in a NYT article on Dr. Rita Levi-Montalcini, who recently passed away. Dr. Levi-Montalcini was a neurologist who persevered against cultural norms to follow her desire to become a doctor at a time when women were expected to marry, becoming housewives and mothers, and Jewish people were not allowed a profession in her home country. The contributions she made to science, and our understanding of cell growth and nerve networks was revolutionary.

Not a perfect picture; but guess what -
he was having too much fun to stand still.

Her words have struck a chord with me. It reminds me of what made art so fascinating for me. Mistakes in execution of a piece can lead to great discoveries. The realization that 20 people could look at the same thing and render it back 20 unique ways. That imperfections and mistakes are not necessarily calamities, failures, or cause for embarrassment.

Dr. Levi-Montalcini's words are also meaningful to me at this time with James. In the midst of a school year where he is being pressured to fit in,  become a model student, and measured against educational standards of normal, it helps me pull focus and remember that the world is not perfect. It gives me pause to remember that, although at school James is seen (by several on his team) as flawed and not capable of academic achievement, his imperfect brain still interacts and reacts with the world. He is still growing and learning. On his path, not theirs. And that is okay.

With imperfections come discoveries, surprises, and new things that can lead to changes in our world. It makes life a little more breathtaking and wonderful. To me, that is better than perfect.

Here I Am

              Still here.
                           Overwhelmed.
                                               Saddened.
                                                             Still breathing.
                                                                                     Still hoping.
                                                                                                         Still loving.


And finding out there are still good things to be grateful for.