The Little Things That Drag Me Down

It's been a week ... of increased eloping, use of the middle finger, trying to peek in the neighbour's windows, and BM woes. I don't have a concrete "why". This seems to happen periodically. 

I have been sleeping in the living room, to make sure he does not leave the house at night, and driving him to summer program because I the morning routine must be rebuilt (again) and I want the rest of his day to go as well as possible. 

He is riding in the front seat because he kept popping his seat belt and making a game out of it. Much harder to do in front. After the initial pushback (which got loud and somewhat physical), he now cheerfully hops into the front passenger seat on his own. I still have to check his buckle as I drive.

As I type, I have the door next to the neighbour's double locked, with a big basket of laundry on the floor in front of it and doorknob jingle bells on the outside door handle, to make sure he gets the message to redirect to a different activity and alert me if he goes for the door anyway.

His aunt has been marvelous, patiently talking on the phone, answering texts, and getting him out of the house and trying fruits again. ABA will be thrilled. It does take a village.

And the laundry - there has been so much enzyme cleaning, cleansing ... load after load (thank the universe I have in-home laundry and we are not on rationed water). I have to carefully time the drying because we keep having heat waves and our home has no a/c. 

Behaviour outbursts from anxiety that comes from visits (that he tells me he wants) with his father, constipation, boredom, and hormones.

I breathe, try to fall into calm, and get through these moments. I am lucky I can recharge in quiet moments with music, time in my garden, and friends.

Sometimes caring for someone with autism isn't dramatic, but instead a constant drip of small things that interrupt trains of thought and tasks attempted. Both can be emotionally draining and exhausting.

Summer Reading: Senior Year

 It's summer. I love reading. I loved getting my kids into our library's summer reading programs. James prefers to be read to and only certain books. Like many activity, he prefers to not do this with me any more, but will do so with others.

Our beloved, local independent book store is having to close. I chose two books for James, and he seems to like including them with his ABA sessions (in addition to the eternal Matilda, by Roald Dahl).

Bad Kitty Gets A Bath

HiLo - The Great Big Boom

As someone who started a voracious reading habit at age 7, it's hard to have kids who are not the same. That will not stop me from offering it, and trying to engage them in the fun that can be had. Reading is reading, no matter the level.

Dental Solution - At Last!

I am so glad James recovered from his cold so we did not have to attempt a reschedule his big dental day. It's been a 2-year, nightmare journey to get James seen and his dental health dealt with so that he could keep his teeth.

Long story short -- hygiene and dental hygiene have been an ongoing struggle, made worse by moves, disasters, and years of life crises. The programs and family dentists we'd been using told me, once the pandemic allowed for dental appointments and he was actually in the chair again, that his teeth were so deteriorated his top adult teeth and possibly some of the bottom, would need to be extracted. 

That's 8-10 teeth minimum. He is 17 and has speech difficulties. His jaw will not be fully formed until maybe age 25. 

No. 

Some day I will go into detail about all the calls I made, and how we got sent in circles, but not today.

Enter James' aunt, who got us a referral to a dental group who deals with special needs and works with an anesthesiologist. They are about 20 minutes away. 

5 hours under general anesthesia and a lot of work and money later, all but 1 of James' teeth were cleaned, saved, and restored. They also took x-rays and gave him a fluoride treatment. When the doctor came out and gave me the good news, I kept hearing Etta James singing "At Last".

Soothing Bathing Hour, With Chickens

When you are a caregiver, sometimes you have to get creative with your care. This is doubly so when both of you are coming off of a week plus of being sick (first James, then myself). For example, after clearing some dishes and laundry this morning, I focused the day on showering. This means almost two hours of psyching up and prep (clean bathroom, wait for clean PJs from the dryers, towels out, wipes and bag ready). The actual showering planned to take place during the warmest part of the day, when washer and dryer will be free to deal with his bedding. 

Then comes the bathing campaign, letting James know it's eminent, and literally catching him in a bedroom-bathroom loop that's lately been so find of, and sweeping him down the hall and stocking the bathroom with towels and choices of shirts and PJ bottoms for after.

While he preps for the shower I sweep the bedding into the washer (so glad it's a huge one and can take it all), add extra soap and turn it on. 

I am sitting in the armchair, encouraging the process - literally calling the plays, clapping, and giving out encouragement. I found something new to distract him from complaining and stalling: an online chicken timer, set to piano music: 

This helps us both not go down the meltdown hole and keep a our sense of humour.

Then, while he's working on shampooing his hair, I will get temporary clean bedding on his bed.

When shower sessions are over, the day is still warm and it's time for a milkshake reward.

What We've Done

 Saw this post and man, is it my song: 

Single autism parenting. Head of household. Sole breadwinner. Amidst natural disasters.Through a pandemic. There but for the grace of the universe, and a little (lotta) help from friends and family. James and I, together.

Lonely, proud, loving. Looking to make a change for good.

Sick Day

Our Spring weather has been flip-flopping between 30s in the mornings, rain, and sunny highs of 84º. Last night I awoke to hear James coughing and sniffling. This morning it's more pronounced. While he did not have a fever (amazing how, with a little practice) a quick hand to the forehead can accurately gauge this, I called him in sick to school and ABA.

One last task for this afternoon/evening - a COVID-19 test. It's always a good idea to be safe. Also, if he does test positive, I need to notify his school and ABA. I really hope it's a negative test - otherwise, there goes my week. Fingers crossed that all our vaccines and boosters are doing their jobs.

ETA: Results are negative!

Skirmishes

James is an awesome person. He is typically easy going and is happiest when everyone around him is happy. He is smart and a sleeper, taking everything in and not showing it until he's ready. He has a fun, semi-goofy sense of humour. 

When he was younger, James would skip, jump, and run about - as a very young child he loved to dance about. Now that he's well into his teen years he's discovered the joys of sleeping in lounging his best life in his large, comfy bed. Hormones and hangriness occasionally change his mood and attitude. 

This weekend, I needed James to complete part of his daily routine and he refused. For several minutes, and without losing patience, I kept in his vicinity and repeating the request to complete the activity. James became more upset and made a ball with his fist at my eye level. When I put my hand up in a "stop" motion, he punched it. Not terribly hard, but still.  He also chose to swear at me. 

I explained that I was now removing the internet router, so no internet. I took it out into the garden with me. For several minutes I was breathing deeply, trying to calm down, review what could have been done differently, and listening to see if he would now attempt to open an outside door and elope. 

Eventually, James did come out to show me he'd completed the activity and to say he was sorry. "I didn't mean to, Mother," he said. I believe him, but this could have gone very differently for someone who did not know him as I do. 

I made sure he understood that I was not happy about his behavior and thanked him for completing his task and coming to talk with me. Then I made sure he had a good lunch to eat. The day went much better after that.