Spring Cleaning, Chores, & Life Skills

Sometimes it's hard to get James and I moving on Saturday. On top of weekend inertia, several years worth of a full work week and single parenting my guy means I am exhausted by the time I hit Friday afternoon. Mornings with no demanding schedule are so peaceful and seductive. Sometimes I rouse my reading or leisure activity to realize it's already noon. 

This past weekend, with help from my SIL and friends, I was able to kick it up a notch or two. With their help, I was able to cheer my teen through showering and hair washing (hair washing!!!) before we hit the front yard and started to remove the jungle of weeds from the front, in preparation to installing a fence.

In between, a dangling ceiling light was fixed and discussions were had about dental treatments and the importance of taking care of yourself. James' Saturday reward was a milkshake and a drive through Deer Hill South (saw 4 deer, grazing on an abandoned front yard).

Today we tackle his room, removing food and dishes (teens!), trash, and fixing his bed. A bag of trash will be removed. It's also shower day again. Today's reward will be a drive through the Spring countryside. 

In between I will motivate myself through dishes, laundry, floor sweeping, sorting old clothes for donation, and more yard work. 

There may be a trip to the Farmers' Market (first day of 2022!) or a plant nursery, for chores completed later this week.

 

The Importance of Getting Out

 One result of 2 years of COVID-19 restrictions is the regression of James' ability to tolerate outings. Not sure if it's his age, autism, or 2 years of homebody habit ... it's harder to pry him out of his room and engage in an activity.

While noise (dogs, babies, noisy kids, rap music, and power tools in general), crowds, and heat make outings uncomfortable for James he was able to enjoy Farmers' Markets, trips to the park, beach visits, and trips to the store. It's interesting that now that he is older, he can interact better, have more meaningful conversations, but be less tolerant of stressors. I think part of this is also due to stressors continually experienced over the past 4 years from moves, bad school experiences, and natural disaster evacuations.

I keep trying out options to get James out of the house, practicing transitions, and providing positive reinforcement when he stresses. Slowly I see this getting better. James should not have to live his life hidden away, and I will keep doing what it takes to help him move as confidently as possible in the world.

#WorldAutismAwarenessDay

It's World Autism Awareness Day, and Autism Awareness Month

Love this guy so much. Learned so much.

The United Nations is holding an Inclusive Quality Education for All Virtual Event: Friday, 8 April 2022, 10:00 - 11:15 a.m. EST.

This is incredibly important for our kids and future. Please see the link below.

While inclusion is not the answer for everyone, the world needs an introduction into the lives of a segment of the population that continues to grow. Understanding and reaching out makes for a better future together - socially, spiritually, independently, and financially.

Link to register - open to all: Inclusive Quality Education for All Virtual Event on 8 April

So Close ... or, Eloping

James had been having a stellar week, impressing school staff with his classwork, follow through with hygiene, and participation in the dreaded PE. He charmed the afternoon bus crew and earned praise from his afternoon ABA Team. 

Then this afternoon, on a late lunch break after a morning of computer and paperwork - a phone call from school. I know many of you have been there with me: my heart sank and my head drooped as I answered.

The good news is that everyone is okay.

However ...

In the middle of working on his PE laps, James veered off course and found a new hole in the school perimeter for a significant and random feat of eloping.

Unless you've lived this, I'll bet this sounds pretty harmless. Trust me, it's not. It impacts what James can and cannot do - it's restrictive. It means I am sometimes listening for elopement attempts at home, 24/7. Field trips and several programs are off limits for him. It is dangerous - for traffic, stranger danger, and especially for James.

It is often this way - stretches of great work and progress, followed by a hard check and possible reversion. Time now to breathe through it, then look for the reason for the event and processing of what happened and how to better handle a situation like this next time. Because the next time is always coming.

The Power of Pizza

 Picky Eating, Pizza to the Rescue

James and his sister were picky eaters as kids. Both of them eschew sauces, condiments, and mixing of anything except milk with ice cream - with super powers that always detected instantly any added powders or pureed vegetables. James went through a period of refusing to eat. 

For many years, he enjoyed a fairly stable palate of pancakes, blueberry muffins, or waffles for breakfast. Lunch was typically a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread. Dinner: chicken nuggets, with apple slices and fries. He ate simple animal cookies and yogurt squeeze-ups for snacks. Occasionally I could get him to eat a banana or pizza. He drank water, milk, and apple juice. There were occasions where we got him to nibble on a carrot or broccoli. 

The life changed, and kept changing ... and not in a good way. By the time we entered lockdown, James was down to cinnamon bread and milk for breakfast and pizza for everything else. He still drank milk and water, and a little apple juice. Then he got picky about pizza - luckily preferring items with low sodium, seasonings, and processing.

In less than 4 years he grew a good 7 inches. Thank goodness for pizza. I was able to get him back to eating blueberry waffles and croissants. He developed a taste for garlic cheese bread. We are working on adding quesadillas with whole wheat, carb-savvy tortillas, pear slices, and some peanut butter on whole wheat bread or apples.

Despite good intentions, often I am exhausted at the end of the day. It is good to have a somewhat healthy option that I know will work. Fast, packable for lunches and trips, and easily found - pizza is our dietary go-to. 

It's the Little Things, Again

James had a great day yesterday - he made the van pickup, had a great day at school, and (after initial resistance) had a great ABA session. We took a victory trip for chocolate chip cookies and Little Caesar's pizza. He had his down time. He was a good sport and powered through the group Kinesiology exercise activity, even though it was a physical challenge for him (walking on all fours - at over 6 feet and in our cramped house - yeah, this was tough).  

The only downside - he did not want to go to sleep. I finally pulled the plug on the internet shortly before midnight. Even then, he kept popping out of his room to the bathroom and back for another 10-15 minutes. After a night of my sleeping in the living room (to keep an eye out for any residual behaviours), it was time to get up. 

James did a good job getting up and following along with our morning routine. What helped was communicating over walkie talkies that he won at school for earning points and ... being allowed to discover how the frother worked. 

Oh my, that smile! He was really tickled to try it out. I think I see a lot more frothed morning coffee in my future.

ABA - Why It's Needed

I am taking a break from paperwork and spring cleaning in my bedroom den, sitting in my armchair and listening to James and his behaviour interventionist (BI) make a schedule for their time this afternoon and following through. It's a deceptively easy blend of hygiene tasks, games, and breaks. 

I love it best when I hear them playing a game, because James wants to be socializing with others and this is a great, gentle way to give him practice for that. 

Over the past couple of years, James has stopped wanting to sing, play card or board games, or read together with me. It's hard to get him to watch TV with me. Most of our bonding time is in cars or taking public transportation (trains and metro transit for fun). I get it. He needs his own friends, his own people.

What is ABA?

Applied Behavioual Analysis (ABA) helps us both by reinforcing the importance of hygiene, game playing, and socializing. Communicating and planning (intention) are worked on as well. 

Why I think ABA Works for Us

Behaviours
I see ABA as important because for someone like James, who has communication challenges, is smart, and prefers to avoid activities not of his choosing ... behaviours have become his communication when words fail. Eloping, swearing, or inappropriate scripting ... ripping paper, destroying his DVDs and old CD ROMs, throwing things out his window. 

When James is stressed, he exhibits more behaviours. After COVID-19 quarantine started, we had spitting on the floor, paper in the mouth, wall hitting, head banging, and yelling - capped off with intense 2-hour meltdowns in which I was on high alert to keep James in the house, safe, and offered calm encouragement to breathe. He shut down on hygiene and participating in remote learning. He grew inches and entered puberty with a vengeance. He regressed on top of his previous regression. He started to exhibit extreme OCD and was almost impossible to transition anywhere in the house, let alone to the car or to an appointment at an office.

In-Home Support
Having ABA in the home (as soon as it became available) was a real life saver. The BI could be with James for remote learning, support hygiene, offer a safe and social connection. What a relief to have a team to break up the monotony of Just Mom. It also allowed me to keep working from home. I bought an air purifier and lots of antibacterial wipes. The ABA team all wore face masks.

Understanding Why and Setting Goals for the Client
The behaviours were analyzed by the ABA team to determine why they happened. A plan was crafted to redirect and support healthier self care, rebuild communication, and provide tools to help move us both forward when we got stuck.  Goals were set so progress could be reported and any new behaviours could be addressed as soon as they were noticed. 

The goals were aligned with what I advocated - James is a social guy who is curious about and likes people. He gets a lot of positive experiences by being able to interact with people and is almost giddy when he can communicate and create connections with others. He likes periodic contact on FaceBook and is happy to text and call people on the phone. All of his current ABA goals support that (as well as many of his IEP goals at school). He will need all these skills and tools after I am no longer here.

I know there are those in the autism community who feel the focus should not be on fitting into the neurotypical world, and I say good for them. Autism is a really unique condition. I would hope that any ABA program will align with the goals of the client, or those who understand and advocate for them as needed. I hope that there will be greater understanding by the general public and organizations for those who are differently abled. There really is a lot to discover.