Wistful Vista

We have a sleepover play date in progress for James' big sister. It seems to be a success, with much giggling, experiments with makeovers, and zany turns of speech. Not a whole lot of sleeping took place last night, but there was a protracted bedtime reading session that covered both Harry Potter and Junie B. Jones (Harry's 5th year at Hogwart's is not very helpful reading when battling homesickness, just so you know).

Pop quiz: name this playful duo.

Both girls have been cheerful to James, and he's enjoyed having another kid in the household mix. I do notice, though, that he has been watching the proceedings with a wistful eye. He would dearly love to have a play date of his own. Even though James is a friendly, playful kid, I have had a very hard time getting play dates for him. Many times, parents will say okay and then never return my calls. When I can connect with other parents, our busy schedules often compete, and play dates fizzle.

If James is with other kids, he gets very excited, but does not know what to do. His speech delays and difficulties makes it hard for his excited bursts of speech to be understood -- even I have to guess what he means at times. We are working on bike riding skills. He's got the turn-taking down, but getting him to focus and stay with a game is really difficult. Just a couple of weeks ago, his summer camp counselors tried to get him active in a game of line tag, but he just wanted to watch.

I've tried playing with James, to help model what playing with someone is like and see where he might get "stuck." He can be a lot of fun, especially with hand puppets, singing, and dancing. At one time he could play Red Light/Green Light for several minutes. We had less success with T-ball, badminton, and basketball/soccer. Play dates at a playground tend to work. I've read articles and talked with therapists -- helping our spectrum kids have successful play dates is a moving target.

Back to this weekend -- I had to make a quick trip to the store, and asked James if he wanted to come along; he did. On the way to the store, he asked if he could see his friend across town, and stop by his house. Knowing this family pretty well, I said okay, but I'd have to call first. Luckily, it all worked out, and we were welcome drop-in visitors. James got to see his friend, visit with people he liked, and play with their house full of kids. It was nice to see him taking turns on the trampoline and watch one kid encourage him through the rules of their made-up game. Then James started trying to sit on his head and ate a dandelion. My cue for us to go. Heavenly days!

A Lazy Week

We have about a month to go before the kids start back to school, but my summer vacation is at an end. Monday I start work at a new job. My first in-an-office job in about 10 years - wish me luck. I am hoping this will work out.

Meanwhile, kids and I enjoyed a last lazy week together. As the weather was a bit cool and James seemed to be teetering with coming down with something, we stayed very close to home, and we didn't even try his morning swim lessons, which is a shame, but he needs to stay healthy.

Here is some of what we did:

James is starting to like the suspension bridge at the Ranch.

As James was feeling a bit peakish, he stayed on the Barn's porch instead of his usual trampoline marathon.

A trip to the fish store cheered both kids.

Our grapes are ripening! Kids like picking the ripe ones, although James won't eat them.

Farmers' Market! We still love the freshly baked French Baguettes.

We did persuade James to take a quick dip in the pool on our one hot afternoon.
He liked riding the tube & blowing water out of it at his sister.

Big Sister had her swim lessons. She is getting rather good, especially in backstroke - just like her Nana!

"Uh, hellooooooooo!"
James tries the party line at the old Healdsburg Library, which has a really nice exhibit on Fred MacMurray & his ranch.

Special Exposure / Wordless Weds: Flag Salutes

From end of May through early July, our country's flag waves just about everywhere we look. Even though Flag Day is officially in June, I feel like July is when I notice it most. Here are some salutes to our flag:

James, waving to someone he knows in one of our local parades.

Patriotic bunting at our last baseball game.

A Fourth of July Block Party

Greetings as you approach the Barn at the Ranch.

Over the pool, as the sun sets on our evening swim lessons. 

New solar lights for the yard.

Home town decor.

Love the light on this.

What we see as we drive through Town.

Our fire station, as we honor those lost from the Granite Mt. Hotshots.

For more images from the heart and to share some of yours,
visit Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.






               and ... Wordless Wednesday

Magic Marker Monday: Camp Art

Both kids attended the morning session of our town's Summer Camp. It's really been the perfect program for us for several years. By now, much of the staff knows James, or get to know him quickly. The theme was Wacky Water Week, which is reflected in the crafts they completed and brought home.

James did a pretty nifty job on his sea medallion and fish plate painting. He has not, to date, named his squid. He's insisting it's a jellyfish.

Left to right: plate fish, sea medallion, squid/jellyfish in a bottle.

His sister made some really cool fish art:

I love this one in particular: it's how I feel some mornings.

For more great masterpieces or to share some of your own, visit
 5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.

                                
  

Choices and Changes

No posts last week. I've had a lot to process. Financial pressures have kept me applying for jobs outside the home. Last week, another interview. Followed by despair over the doubtful prospect of finding money rabbits to pull out of a threadbare hat. Kids fighting. Smoldering atmosphere in general.

Now, on personal and home-front levels, big changes are suddenly due to arrive this coming week.

Because late Friday afternoon: an email. A job offer from the interview.

The good: Wage is the minimum I can consider for a 9-5 office job and get adequate daycare coverage for kids. It's close to home. I could still take the kids to school in the mornings (which is huge, considering how the morning routines sets the tone for both kids for the whole day). It seems like a good company, with people I could see as good coworkers. The job is a new one for me, but it's still in my chosen and preferred area of work. There is job growth potential. I am hopeful for benefits we can use.

The worrying: I haven't worked a 9-5 office job in over 10 years. Routines? Huh. We'll have to make up some new ones, I guess. For the first time, I won't be Right There to work with James' teams. After last year's start, this gives me the shakes. I worry that I won't be able to remain as calm and patient as I have in the past. I worry about losing touch with my soon-to-be-teen daughter. Can you tell I worry a lot? Here's the big one: I haven't done this before and I am afraid of what some of the changes do to me, to us as a family.

I have worked for several years, balancing working for an employer with raising a family. Dear Lord, how I worked. Some years it felt like I was "on" 24/7, but I needed the flexibility whose flip side was writing reports, emails, and memos until 2am because for most of the day I attended phone conferences, made some web updates, and then tended to sick kids, cleaned, did errands, homework patrol, and had countless meetings for IEPs, teacher conferences, and paperwork appointments for James' services or my daughter's school situations. I combined vacations and family visits with Client appointments in a region 8 hours from us.

Then James hit the school system and my employer's flexibility diminished remarkably. Time to choose.

I resigned and focused on James and family. I was lucky enough to continue my work as a consultant. Then the recession hit all the non-profits I worked with, and money got even scarcer. I started looking for work about a year ago. Then James' school year started off bad and got progressively worse. My husband became ill, unable to work. We had to give up a car. We actually qualified for food stamps.

Time for change.

I know James' classroom and team support improved drastically. I am glad that my husband's health has improved so he can work, and that he's found some much closer to home. I am happy that James' sister is in a stable school environment for the next 2 years. I am grateful for the local support network that I've grown over the past year or so. Yes, the changes make me very nervous, but they are part of life. My friend posted this graphic on her FaceBook feed. How appropriate:

All I can do is try. But I am going to try really hard!

Anxiety Ante

We're dealing with something new with James on this trip: anxiety ante. There has been more repetitive verbal stimming, trying to sit on his head, and throat clearing than usual - all of which are his typical anxiety coping habits.

I am discovering the next level up of anxiety-triggered behaviours for James seems to be: accidents. He's slipped down the stairs, bumped his head, burned his finger, and scraped his ankle, each of which set off a bout of crying and fixation over the pain, and loud, repeated demands to "rip it out/off!"

While all this raises my blood pressure, I do know that, once over the initial shock, James is quite capable of tolerating a lot of things. So I try to listen what he says, administer something soothing, and hold him and tell him that yes, he got an owie and it will hurt for a while, but then he will feel better. Usually I add "And be more careful" as a chaser. What the heck - makes me feel better.

The first aid kit and ibuprofen have been well used on this trip. And good golly, I think I can beat Superman in the "nerves of steel" department, because we're all still alive and relatively happy. And in one piece, because that is important.

Just this morning, James threw me a new one. Throwing open the door to the porch, where I'd been enjoying a morning view of ocean and quiet, he announced, crying, "I have a buuuuuuuuuump! We need to take my red tooth OUT! NOW!!" Fifteen minutes, a damp paper towel, ibuprofen, and a cold yogurt squeeze up paper, and I was pretty sure the source of the misery was being away from home and (for the record) a small bump on his tongue. We had a small interlude of quiet with the iPad ...

Seconds before the ill-fated bathroom break.

And then he needed to use the bathroom.

I could hear the the drama that ensued below after water somehow mysteriously got on his pajama top. Between the wailings, I prompted him to just change his clothes and come back up here. This is why I pack extra jammies and underpants. As I type this, he's now wearing his tractor jammies, sitting in a chair and getting the piggies in Angry Birds, like nothing ever happened.

And now, more coffee, and perhaps ten more quiet minutes on that porch.

No Matter Where You Go ...

We're on the road again. Not our usual summer trip to LA, but a trip south to the beach to visit with friends.

James was not happy in the car. This is our first long road trip in the "new" vehicle (a Mazda 5), and i think he felt the road much more in this smaller vehicle than our Toyota Sienna van. The heat, traffic, and road construction did not help, either. Makes me glad that from an early age both kids were racking up road trips, otherwise I think there would have been some issues with car sickness.

I'm faced with a familiar dilemma - finding a balance between stretching James out of his comfort zone, giving him new experiences to build his confidence, and not overwhelming him into an anxiety meltdown. As this will be a short weekend trip, I am not too fussed.

The packing and getting ready to go are always the worst part. I am not only packing and doing daily routines, I am cleaning and prepping against the time we are gone so we don't come back to an ugly mess. And frankly, the toughest part of packing is trying to fit the pantry and fridge essentials into the car. Because the kids are such picky eaters and I want things hassle free on vacations, relaxing meals means break open the cooler or bag for familiar foods, rather than eating out. They also tend to eat better too and James' digestive dynamics are that much calmer, as a result.

With the iPads, packing games, toys, and videos are no longer necessary. I have a pack of cards and a mini Connect 4 game and we're good to go. We can always find paper & pen for doodles and hangman. My daughter took over packing lists and oversaw clothes packing for herself and James. What a big helper my girl friend is! I've learned to pack a core cadre of OTC meds: Miralax, liquid ibuprofen, melatonin drops, liquid Benedryl, Neosporin, and a small first aid kit. Baggies are my life-saving friends with this bag.

I make sure James packs his blankies, as they give him a lot of comfort in strange surroundings. The iPad gives him a good refocus point. I try to mix in new activities with some quieter time. Like last night, when we were invited to a block BBQ/4th party.

I encouraged the kids to explore and play with the other kids, trying the jumpy house and trying new foods. James was pretty good, but got tired and walked a little apart from the crowd (see photo above). Then he started to ask when we were driving home. He lay down on a driveway and said things to the sky at large like "Is it Sunday yet?" and "I love you, Mother," and then, finally "I want to go home, please!" I did get him to come over and sit on my lap for a bit, but the kids really were tired, so we said our goodbyes (looking at the ground) and came back to our vacation pad. There we had quiet time, melatonin, and jammies. Both kids snuggled down in their beds while I read them a chapter of Harry Potter and answered questons. They went on to sleep all through the night, which is rare.

Yes, taking the kids out on trips by myself can be a bit stressful, and it feels like I have to pack a ton of of home things, but it is very nice to have a change of scenery. As it often happens, the autism in our lives hammers home some common wisdom: "No matter where you go ... there you are." I hope our trips have helped James to better cope with new surroundings.