Another "I Don't Get It" Moment

Background: James' big sister had her 10th birthday party yesterday here at our house. This alone is worth a future blog post.

James was utterly delighted. He loves company and kids, and he's gotten to know these particular friends, and they him. It was a very comfortable, relaxed event for all. James wanted to stay with the rest of the kids, watching and reveling in all the action. We kept checking in and everyone seemed fine with this, so we just let them all be.

There were visits to the new birthday kitten (now a stately 4 months old). Several spirited (and loud) games of Super Monkey Ball on the very cool in-home entertainment system their dad rigged for them up out of thrift store (and dump) finds (which could be it's own cool blog right there). Pizza was served during a movie -- Brave, by request of the birthday girl.

About half way through the movie, James started coming up to me, saying "Oh Mommy, I'm so glad you're back!" before hugging me for longer than usual. Took me a bit to connect Queen Eleanor being turned into a bear and me.

You see, about two weeks back, I flew out to New Mexico to pick up and drive back a used car to replace our totaled van. This took about three days -- the first time James has had to do without me since, well that one night his grandmother stayed with both kids so my husband and I could spend a night at a local B&B. That was back in 2007, I think.

Now, during these three days, James was fine. No anxiety, repetitive questions about where I was or when I'd be back and his sleeping at night was fine. I don't know why James connected the dots as he did between my trip and the story of Brave. I do know it is nice to be back home, and that despite James being fine, I was missed.

Special Exposure / Wordless Weds: Being Happy

Don't worry, be happy now ...

That's the song I hear in my head, looking at these pics. It's good to remember when I start worrying too much.


For more images from the heart and to share some of yours,
visit Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.






               and ... Wordless Wednesday

A New Year's Tradition

We live within an hour of the Pacific ocean and trips to the coast and its beaches are happy events. Making a special New Year's pilgrimage to the Pacific has made for some of the most enjoyable of memories for our  family. In recent years, we haven't been able to make it every year, for various reasons.

Last year I made the trip alone with the kids to with visit friends. This year we celebrated having a car that could make the trip to the coast without needing breaks to recharge it. We investigated a new beach, where the pounding, towering surf made me incredibly nervous for the kids, even as it's raw beauty wowed me. So after lunch and a whole lotta ooohing and ahhhing we piled back in the car and made for our favourite local family cove.

Doran Beach was hopping. I had to wait for 3 people to leave before I found a parking spot. Once we hit the sands, the kids flew to the waterline, where much milder waves crashed and splashed ashore. Our daughter made fast friends with another girl, her shovel (a full-sized garden specimen), and bucket. They spent almost an hour digging a pit and building a sand sofa in it. I adore my girl.

James became one with the surf and sand. It was interesting to watch him walk, his feet and toes as sensitive and fingers and hands, while he held up his actual hand and fingers like sign posts and kept them immobile.

James had a blast, interfacing with the beach by using his feet:

We agreed that this was an excellent start to a New Year. I love that we keep using our Regional Parks pass and membership. What would we do without the ocean?

Words We Live By

"It is imperfection — not perfection — that is the end result of the program written into that formidably complex engine that is the human brain ..."

I read these words in a NYT article on Dr. Rita Levi-Montalcini, who recently passed away. Dr. Levi-Montalcini was a neurologist who persevered against cultural norms to follow her desire to become a doctor at a time when women were expected to marry, becoming housewives and mothers, and Jewish people were not allowed a profession in her home country. The contributions she made to science, and our understanding of cell growth and nerve networks was revolutionary.

Not a perfect picture; but guess what -
he was having too much fun to stand still.

Her words have struck a chord with me. It reminds me of what made art so fascinating for me. Mistakes in execution of a piece can lead to great discoveries. The realization that 20 people could look at the same thing and render it back 20 unique ways. That imperfections and mistakes are not necessarily calamities, failures, or cause for embarrassment.

Dr. Levi-Montalcini's words are also meaningful to me at this time with James. In the midst of a school year where he is being pressured to fit in,  become a model student, and measured against educational standards of normal, it helps me pull focus and remember that the world is not perfect. It gives me pause to remember that, although at school James is seen (by several on his team) as flawed and not capable of academic achievement, his imperfect brain still interacts and reacts with the world. He is still growing and learning. On his path, not theirs. And that is okay.

With imperfections come discoveries, surprises, and new things that can lead to changes in our world. It makes life a little more breathtaking and wonderful. To me, that is better than perfect.

Here I Am

              Still here.
                           Overwhelmed.
                                               Saddened.
                                                             Still breathing.
                                                                                     Still hoping.
                                                                                                         Still loving.


And finding out there are still good things to be grateful for.

Halloween Spunk

October's been a tough month for us all here. James has progressively resisted going to school, practically breaking down in tears and begging me not to go. Routine has flown out the window in chunks at home and at school almost daily. Second grade is ramping up challenges for learning and behaviours.

Witch and splatty witch, on our way to school
on Halloween morning.

To James, October was a magic month. It meant Halloween. He was very firm about what he wanted to be: a witch. Not a warlock. Not Harry Potter. A witch. He asked every day to go looking at the Halloween decorations. Splatty witches are still a big thing for him, and luckily I found a version of one at the Dollar Store and brought it home is September, because they were gone like *that* and James took immense pleasure in helping to set it up on our very own garage door. It kind of made up for our van disappearing and not coming back (that's a story for another time). He also liked spiders, webs, and bats. Skeletons fascinated him.

A trip to the Party Store a few weeks back put a big grin on his face. We got him his very own witch's hat and an Angry Bird trick-or-treat bag. K-Mart had a dynamite 50% off sale on costumes the day before Halloween and I picked up capes for his sister and him. A good friend sent us scads of cool glow-in-the-dark necklaces, which we all wore around our necks so the motorists could see us.  James' Halloween witch's cup was full.

It was very hot until the day of Halloween; then it rained that afternoon and evening. James didn't care. He helped put up decorations and kept talking about Halloween while we ate pizza. Then he pulled on his boots, held a ladybug umbrella in one hand, high above his pointy hat, and his Angry Birds bag in the other before sailing out into the dark and stormy night. We went three blocks in the rain, braving puddles, Evil Dead-type houses, and barking dogs. At each door, James sang out "Trick-or-Treat!!" and "thank you!" with an occasional "Happy Halloween!" thrown in for luck.

We arrived back home, soaking. James was happy to change into his jammies and curl up with blankets and watch me hand out treats at our door. Right now I am looking at an Angry Birds bag that is 1/3 full of candy. He hasn't touched it. It's not the important part for him.

I'm A Real Live Wire

I haven't been posting.

It's not because things aren't happening. Oh no. Quite the opposite and much of it not fun. Some I can't because it's ongoing, and it's all I can do to keep from being swamped by it all.

Family health issues, severe problems at one school, increased support duties for me, and worsening financial outlook overall. It's all one big smörgåsbord of challenge and angst. One of those special times when family and friends offer support but most of the toughest things that need doing seem to have my name on them.

So for all you Talking Heads fans (yay), here's reassuring you that I'm not a Psycho Killer, I have plenty to say. It's just going to be a while before I can put it in this blog. I'm not planning to run away.