Spot Cleaning of Behaviors Past

After a week of being sick, with the holidays and  both kids' birthdays bearing down on me, I have finally committed to cleaning the house and decking the halls, one bit at a time. Some are regular spots, like the fridge, counters and stove. Others, well, send me back a bit in time ... 

When we first moved in, it was after being evacuated for a week from both old and new places because of a huge wildfire. Shortly after, COVID-19 shut us all down. Remote learning in a new house that was cramped with unpacked moving boxes and a working-from-home Mom was the 4th chaotic school change for James in about a year, after almost 10 steady years in the same district. It crashed with a divorce, deaths in the family, and the absence of his sister. 

Behaviors started up that he'd never had before, and they progressed downhill and exploded. That period was so intense that I blocked a lot of it out. Attacking spots of milk, food, and tissue on the walls, furniture, and floors today reminded me forcefully that at some point I let got of trying to get everything cleaned up because he'd only do it again and again ... I had my hands full, and I was losing my mind.

These days, James' teeth have been fixed, he has been in the same school for almost 4 years and back in the classroom for almost a year and a half. Family relationships are slowly being rebuilt. Despite some churnover, ABA has been a staunch support and parter for us as well as the school. While there is still a lot of work ahead of us, we are back in the realm of much more sane and calm.

I cleaned those expletive deleted spots, and it felt good.

The Teen Years Start

Happy Birthday Number 13, James! 

This is what James found when he woke up this morning:

He brought cookies to share to school and in the afternoon we saw Wonder - it was James' choice. Talk about bittersweet for me. James enjoyed it - especially the friendship scenes.

You have come so far. I hope you keep moving forward and retain your sunny outlook. How much you have given me. I love you, Mother.

Breakthrough

So, for years it has been a nerve-wracking prospect to get James bathed or swimming. While he was fascinated with water (as is typical for many kids on the spectrum), both he and his sister hated water on their head, on their faces, and especially in their ears. It really distressed them.

James kept screaming and shrieking (and he has great lungs) and fighting bath time until fairly recently. The fussing and whining and "ow-ow-OWWWW" continued to make bath time the equivalent of a forced march. Up hill. In the cold mud.

Not a lot of bathing was done.

Enter a fine combination of being able to hear Temple Grandin talk and James' team at school. I cannot tell you what exactly shifted, but my approach to bathing went from "omg, how long can I the put off" to "this needs to happen and here are your choices." James' OT gave James a bag of hygiene products for guys. James' teacher and OT came up with a chart that looks like a combination of PECs schedule and a hygiene chart. It's additional homework.

James does not want to come to school with his homework undone, which - yay -  works in our favour.

After about a month of this, James has asked to and started to handle all bathing aspects on his own. After testing to see if Mom really notices if he uses bathing water or not, he has committed to the schedule - to the extent that he now initiates bathing and prefers to shower.

Remember James and the shower? Yeah. This is happening.

Growing up, being responsible, being independent. So proud of him. So thankful it finally happened!

Gift of Conversation

Last night I went out (!) for my company's holiday party. I was frustrated because I was running late. Luckily, James was staying at home with friends and had already had dinner. I ended up enjoying the evening and coming back home after James went to bed and had a blissful night's sleep.

James let me sleep in until around 7, a good hour and a half later than usual. He also did not wake up in a panic at 3am, calling for me (which he has done in the past when I return home after he has fallen asleep).

Instead, he  politely knocked before entering, calling "Are your here, Mother? Did you come home last night?" He then came in to sit by my bed and we talked together about my night out, Christmas, and trips to Disneyland. It was so pleasant and I was secretly elated with James' new conversational abilities.

He is such a neat kid, and for years I longed to hear what he was thinking. So while I was listening and smiling with him this morning, inside I was saying "YES!!!!"

Special Exposure / Wordless Weds: Rides

James did something new at the County Fair this year - rides!

In previous years, he'd frantically tell me "No, I don't wanna!" The noise from both the rides, their soundtracks, and their passengers, combined with the excessive motion, were a big sensory overload for him. He'd watch from the Midway for a while, once he was assured he didn't have to get too close to an attraction.

The biggest thing was he volunteered "I want to ride on the caterpillar." Wow. I took James on Big Thunder once (at his request - he loves trains and everyone else was going on it) and had to physically restrain him from jumping off the whole way.

It set a new tone for enjoying the rides this year, and I took a few pictures to celebrate:

Even better? Because we got in free by doing contest entries, I had that money to buy lots of ride tickets!


For more images from the heart and to share some of yours,
visit Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.






               and ... Wordless Wednesday

How Sweet It Is!

This boy is reading!!!

Five 'til Midnight: Milestones!

James is tall. At four years old he is taller than many kids in his sister's first grade class! He has probably grown a good 2 inches or more this year. Pants legs shrink. He has gone through 2 shoe sizes at least, and almost all his long sleeve shirts end at well above the wrist. This has led to a huge change -- from car seat to a booster seat! He is very proud of this:



We have waged psychological battles in Potty training. We have made huge strides in Going #1. Going #2 (in the toilet) ... not so much. Something to look forward to in 2010, I guess:



James began his second Fall at his preschool. James has gone from mostly nonverbal to talking and singing well in class. He has asked other children to play with him and asks about the people missing from the daily classroom. He knows the drill and loves his teacher and class ... in the new classroom with a bathroom in it!!!

Name that Verbalization!

I admit that I am really bad at processing words that I hear. So when James starts verbalizing and trying to say new words, I get excited, then I curse. Because I stink at understanding what it is he's trying to say. Thank goodness for Dad, who has no such problems!

This morning, at a stately 70° for breakfast, James started saying "a-Pop! aaaaa-Pob!" My husband and I were mystified, until James also started with the Xtreme LipSmacking noises. Eureka: the word was "popsickle!" Who knew? And I hate feeling so helpless!

Sometimes I think James is trying to say "open," before realizing he is excited because he has heard an "airplane," and is trying to tell me about it.

The absolute worst is when he looks right at me and lets out a string of careful verbalization. Over & over. With that hopeful, engaging look. And I can't understand one thing he is trying to tell me.

Talk about frustration and feelings of failure!!

Where is my Babelfish?

I love it when his sister translates for him, though. She delights in the absurd and has come out with some doozies, like "James is saying his fish tank patoobahs his oboes." She and James both laugh, because it has become a Game for them.

On a hopeful note or seven: James is getting much better with repeating a word back to us ... and remembering it for later use on his own.

And right now, James is trying to blow bubbles through the kitchen sponge that he has over his face ... gotta go!