Special Exp./ Wordless Weds: Table Manners

See that napkin action? Nice!!

I had to get a picture of this: James, sitting calmly after dinner at a local restaurant. He had one bathroom break. He didn't slide off the seat to pool on the floor under the table. He didn't try to get out or poke at things on the table. James nibbled a new food. He coloured his kids' menu. He ate his ice cream with a spoon. And then used his napkin correctly.

I think of all the times we tried eating out as a family at the same location. We have not had such a quiet meal together dining out since he was little enough to be strapped into a high chair.


For more great images or to join in the fun, Visit Special Exposure Wednesday at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.



and ... Wordless Wednesday
  

Social Acceptance, Isolation, & the Big Picture

Here's a thought for today. I was reading The Mommy Blog and Mindy's post regarding the job description for Parenting (aka "Youth Manager Position"). It's very funny and well-written.

This main description caught my eye: "Responsible for managing mostly small humans (1 to 10 at a time) within the constraints of scope, quality, time, and cost, and working within established Child Protective Service policies and guidelines, to nurture and groom offspring for acceptance in society at large. Also, anything else the wind might blow your way."

Let's look at that phrase again: "groom offspring for acceptance in society at large."

Wow. That gave me a lot to chew on. Especially after dinner, when I spent a couple of hours at a parenting class for parents of special needs kids. And it brought to mind several things:
* My parenting reality is different from society-at-large
-- So what?

* Yes, I want James to be accepted by s-a-l (while maintaining his uniqueness)
-- Don't we all want this?

* My definition of society may not be James'. His world may encompass the same range of people and exposure to the world in general. Or it may not. Is that bad? I don't know. Would I be disappointed? Probably a bit, but definitely if James was unhappy.

Tonight in the class we talked a lot about the isolation felt by parents of children with special needs. How well meaning friends and relatives (and indifferent ones) just don't get it. How the little things can silently build up and start smothering you in depression, guilt, and loneliness. How those sideways, funny/startled looks you get out in public can just stab you in the heart and get to you.

In many ways, James is lucky. He likes other children and they like him. I hope this stays true for him all his life. I know he will have difficulties. He's already smarted a bit from been left out in a social situation. But I keep faith that our grooming and his sunny nature will make the social meshing a mostly positive experience.

The other thing I took away was that we are all parents and trying to do our best. I truly believe that all loving parents share many challenges, griefs, and joys. It was very good to have a place to unload and talk (and cry) tonight about some of the special needs-related things we'd been through.

I am reading that job description list again now, and find myself laughing at "Formal child development education and/or progress toward certification of competence (provided this takes place solely in your head and does not disturb other moms; they are very busy finding their own way, blindfolded and handcuffed, through a minefield in a blinding snowstorm. Barefoot.)" Aren't we all? Shhhh!

I may never get to some of those other bullet points with parenting James. For now, that's okay. As long as we're making progress and he's leading a good life I am hopeful for his future and our journey.

(PS: The sentence "Also, anything else the wind might blow your way" = priceless and oh so true.)

Magic Marker Monday: Magnificent

Last week, James showed off some new, subtle skills during a craft project. He held his marker correctly, and knew what he wanted to do with it. Both of these things are new for me to see him do.

In honour of Mothers' Day week, the letter they  were learning was "M". Of course they got to colour it with markers. James felt the green one would be great. The only thing I did was help him pop off the cap. He looked excited to start the project, instead of his usual dreamy/thoughtful "don't really care" look.

And instead of wild circles that roared off the paper onto the table top or a hailstorm of frenetic dots, James decided to have fun tracing his hand. All by himself.

He enjoyed playing with what kind of lines he could make, and he tried to stay inside of the M outlines. Again, this is new stuff for him.

 

Marker tattoo lines? Cooooool!

As for me, I got a whole bunch of Mothers' Day presents early by just watching him that morning. Way to go, Buddy!

PS: We have exactly the same kind of hands. Comes from my father. How amazing is that? (Hint: very; can't tell you why)


Visit 5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.




  

SOOC: Moving at His Own Speed

James loves getting to do his Kids on the Move class every week. I think it has actually helped him be more confident with his body. I got to watch him this week and was struck again by how James has his own way of doing things.

While he may not be hopping and leaping like the others, giggling and chattering with them, he is there and participating at his own pace. He is smiling and taking things in. Occasionally, he tries something different; something he's never done before. If he doesn't do it like the others or perfectly, that's okay.

James seems to be the type of person who enjoys the journey, moving at his own speed. What is so wrong with that? He is growing, doing, and happy. It's a refreshing change of pace from testing, quotas, and checklists.

Even though ther eis no post yet this week on The Slurping Life, you can still visit Melody and check out SOOC Saturday/Sunday entries past & present. No cropping or fixing -- it's life, straight out of the camera.





  

Pushing Ahead

So many little changes, adding up to a new phase. Over the last 2 days, the potty training has gone backward a bit and James has been falling down some more (not lifting his feet properly to get over a small curb).

But James has grown about a quarter inch recently and started to talk to us about things. No one else but his Dad or I could understand him, but he's starting to ask for things like wanting to hold on to a DVD case at bedtime or asking to go to our bedroom to ask Daddy to start his computer so he can watch Barney (shudder) on PBSkids.org. Baby Barney. Yeah.

And when he's not doing that, he's singing silly versions of the Happy Birthday Song to himself ("Happy Bir-day to ... Sox! Ooo live in de rocks ...") and being supremely happy.

I am also pushing him to do more like put on and buckle his seat belt, bring me dirty dishes at clean-up time, and find an activity to do (instead of verbal or wandering stimming).

Magic Marker Monday: O!

This photo does not do justice to the colours James painted on his letter O. It looks juicy, and full of light. He even added sparkle power!

I am glad to see James is using a brush sometimes when he paints. When he was younger, I'd have him out back in the summer, fingerpainting while just wearing a diaper. The resulting body art looked like a makeup job for Baby BraveHeart. I kid you not.

Visit 5 Minutes for Special Needs for more Magic Marker Monday.


        
  

SOOC Sunday: He is Playing

James is playing this morning. He found two different toys and started to play with them. I am cheering silently inside: "Yes! Yesssssssss!!!!!!!"

This went on and on ... in fact, he's still doing it.

Why am I so excited? James is usually fixated on a video. He is typically passive about playing with things. I have heard about kids playing with Britex blocks, Kinex, and other building types of toys. James could not have been less interested in them.

Give him buttons to push and he'd be engrossed for 20-45 minutes. But this ... oh joy! When he gets over the initial fascination, I'm going to turn his sister loose on it with the wooden building blocks, and see what they come up with for the trains to drive through.

The best part? His dad found this whole box of used but perfectly fine Thomas Train stuff for $1.

James' Dad has a big grin on his face too today!

The Slurping Life is listening and looking. Visit Melody and check out SOOC Saturday/Sunday entries past & present. No cropping or fixing -- it's life, straight out of the camera.