Little Moments of Duality

It may be January, but we're in the middle of a Spring Preview. The daytime temps have risen from in the 40s to the high 60s. You can smell the promise of growing things. We can see the sun set, throwing outrageous displays of colour in the sky and a few high clouds, each day lasting a little longer than the one before. It's quiet in a peaceful way, but you know it's not going to last once the season changes over.

The kids and I seem to be pushing out and growing in a random direction, then pulling in and going out again in a far-off position. We are excited and hopeful, but we know we're not yet back to truly longer days and warmer weather.

James has been verbally pushing to engage with others, inviting play, yet becoming almost fiercly protective when it comes to turn taking. He's asking me to play specific songs on the CD player in the van, but still can't tell me how his day went. He gets extremely frustrated trying to master the Leapster 2 game cartridges, and I've seen him trying to figure out chess by himself on an old clamshell iMac. To say nothing of the toilet training progress and regressions.

This afternoon he went from trying to ride his bike inside the house to crying "NOOOOO!" and hiding under his blanket 20 minutes later when I tried to get him outside to cruise the neighbourhood with his sister on her bike.

He was a little punky, clapping his hands over his ears and doing headstands in the sofa when I tried to get him to clean up his toys. Then a few minutes later he was on my lap, giving me a huge hug and telling me that I was his favourite animal.

I go from a chance to make dinner or read, with the kids playing in a bedroom with the door shut, to the phone ringing while James is calling "Mommyyyyyyyy!" and his sister exclaiming "James, NO!!" After dinner, I juggle cleaning the kitchen, sorting laundry, making sure James is well on his way to sleep, while responding to requests to help my daughter with her homework.

I did get a glorious hour of work in the garden, and within 20 minutes of coming inside I had a morning meeting booked and also made a promise to bring sour cream to a PTA event on Friday. At the end of the day, I watched my daughter pour out her bedtime glass of water. She's still wearing princess jammies, but she is tall and starting to look so grown up. I am trying to write this all down, so I can remember the blurring rush as it happens, and the calm moments when I try to savour them all.