When Back-To-School Nite is a Closed Door

 Last night was the first on-campus Back-to-School Nite (B2S Nite) since COVID-19 shut everything down in 2020. I was so excited. I lined up coverage for James, because eloping is still a thing and I wanted to be present for this night in his senior year. 

Then I checked my emails and saw that his room, and only his room, will be closed, because the teacher was sick. My heart sank, and then I was angry. Not because his teacher was sick, but because B2S Nite has for me become a symbol of how special needs kids and parents are so often sidelined and ignored by the educational system, and a focal point of the pain of being reminded that our kids are different and don't count as much as others.

From Kindergarten through 4th grade, James was in a regular classroom with a 1:1 aide. I loved B2S Nite, not only to see what was happening in the classroom, but to meet other parents and have a break myself. James always wrote me a note, along with his peers writing notes for their parents. It was great. 

Then I allowed him to transition to the Special Day Class. Little did I know it, but I was signing away a lot of things I liked about James' school year. No book fair reminders. No class party participation. No field trip chaperone days. And no B2S Nite. When I brought this up to the teachers, they were surprised. That is when I discovered that their experience with many of their their parents seemed to be sheer relief of being able to drop their kids off and not worrying about them. Full stop.

I understand that relief, believe me. What I don't understand is the lack of interest of what goes on in the classrooms, and how that is almost encouraged by the schools in our local districts. Frankly it's unnerving.

This year I asked if I could sit in on another classroom and was easily accommodated. Even though it was not my son's class, I was able to greet many parents and get some good information about programs that exist in the years after high school. I ended up enjoying my night out, getting information, socializing, and feeling included as part of the school. 

I would ask that teachers and schools and district not let anyone's Back-to-School Night be a closed door. Rather, have a Plan B for another teacher or Staff to cover or to have volunteers set up and proctor the classroom. Please don't increase our isolation. In a world where teachers are not getting the respect or support they need, let B2S Nite be an opportunity for interested parents to get on board and pitch in to help make the year a success and feel a part of something good. I understand it's not as simple as this suggestion, but I think it's a good start. 

Inclusion in School: Fails and Suggestions

Where inclusion falls down in public schools

From Kindergarten through 4th grade, James was in a regular classroom, with a 1:1 aide and pull out services for speech, O/T and Adaptive PE. For his triennial IEP preceding 5th grade, I agreed to placement in the Special Day Class, as James was being impacted by classroom noise and not able to follow auditory instructions and was spending less time in said classroom.

Oh, how I wish I hadn't. 

The school ignored his IEP and tried to make him repeat the 4th grade because "they wanted to try something new". No prior notification or IEP meeting. They changed his ENTIRE program and work from what we all agreed to for no other reason (that I could see) than it worked better for THEM. They kept denying they were making him repeat the 4th grade until I called a meeting with a lawyer in attendance and proved, with homework from the previous year and the school directory of grade level of teacher classrooms (for his inclusion portion of the day), that they placed him back in a 4th grade environment for social interactions and class work. Then they claimed (with the lawyer present) that they'd "stopped when I requested it". I asked which was his inclusion class, and it was still with 4th graders.

I was a working single parent, going through a painful divorce, poor, and my daughter was going through a really rough time. They counted on my being too swamped to notice or put up a fight. They also counted on James not saying anything. Not for the first or last time, I was furious at how our kids are the ones who suffer from inflexible rules and a cluster school system that had no incentive to fix things.

Here are some thoughts, based on our public school experiences and the needs I saw in my son and others, that could better support schools, teachers, and inclusion:

• Keep 1:1 aides with a student throughout their elementary and middle school years if they are working well together. 
• Include the Special Needs or Special Day Class students in school events, such as back to school night, Book and Science Fairs, and Open House night.
• Set up an inclusion classroom to incorporate working/helping a special needs classmate as a special experience / reward.
• Carry the inclusion into meal times and recess in a low-key way (e.g., turns eating with them and playing games such as conversational Uno or catch). 
• For schools that have incorporated volunteer hours into student curriculum, consider providing the opportunity to work with inclusion or special needs students.
• Consider working inclusion into your school and classrooms as an opportunity to teach all the importance of empathy, getting to know someone, creative thinking, and helping others.
• Have monthly get togethers for the parents of special needs students - part social aspect and part information about programs available (such as summer camps or dentists who work with special needs patients), and how to prepare for the years ahead.
• Partner with local and national non-profits to fund or support some of the above - they are out there, and growing in numbers!
• Do not make the Special Day Class the place to send students because they are disruptive to the rest of their regular class (oh yes). 
• Remember that special needs students can hear what you're saying and understand more than you probably realize. They also do not forget it when they think a fellow Special Ed classmate has been treated unfairly. Sometimes it can be helpful to have a follow up touch base after an incident.

After all, the numbers of children and adults receiving a diagnosis of autism continues to grow. Adapting to changing classroom and student needs are imperative for a healthy society.