Friday, December 04, 2015

A Haunting Week

This has been a week that laid me low. James' triennial IEP is still in progress (we started end of October) and no one is going to be really happy about the final result. I am very discouraged about the gap between my perceived service needs for James, the IEP I agreed to last June, and what is now being offered by the district. It seems to be a grey area, as concessions have been made on both sides, nothing is hugely out of compliance in this new version of the IEP, but I am disappointed and have lost faith. This is what happened to James when I agreed to move him out of Full Inclusion and into Special Day Class.

If any on-the-fence parent is reading this, listen to your inner voice: don't move your child out of Full Inclusion if you don't feel right about it.

I do recognize that James got less out of Full Inclusion every year, due to his developmental delays and processing issues. I do recognize his school is giving it their best with what they've got and there are good people trying to work with us. It's just not enough for James.

If I made more money, I'd shell out for outside services and soldier on, grumbling along the way. I don't have that option. I have other issues that are now more important. Big changes in the family (it's coming apart), mental illness issues that desperately need addressing, and extreme financial crisis. Right now it's constant, never-ending, and no resolution or coping schedule in sight.

Then Wednesday, the massacre at a Regional Service Center in our state. Just like the one we go to for James, but in another region. It's gutted me. Not only because an organization that's part of our lives became a target for murderers, or because of the horrible loss of many kind people with families near a big holiday, but because of a worst-case outcome between mental illness, despair, the huge and dangerous (and widening) gaps of haves and have nots, and guns.

The Us is trying to exterminate Them. Think Trump hate, Planned Parenthood attacks and defunding, police shootings, and radical religions of any kind.

Guns are protected more than people. I still cannot believe this.

Our country is ignoring history and turning into a place of fear, hate, and exclusion for those "not like us". I am looking at you, US Governors who want to exclude Syrian refugees. How long before this "Them" turns me and my family into "Them"? It doesn't feel like a large step. So yeah, now I feel threatened too, in my own country. 

And for me, I am not making enough money. Wages in my area are horrible and not what they were, pre-recession. I cannot support my family and it is breaking apart. I feel stranded. I know I am not alone. Not looking to throw a pity party. I do have some help and support. This is how I feel when I am laid low. I am pretty sure it's going to get worse before it gets better. I hope I can take it. I'm pretty sure I can.

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